Chronicles of the Wishverse: Taking a Pool
by Michael Weyer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all rights and properties, belong to Joss Wheldon and Mutant Enemy.
Highlander, all rights and properties, belong to Rysher Entertainment.
Deadpool created by Fabian Nicecza and Rob Liefeld and is the property of Marvel Comics.
Wishverse created by Tim Hunter, and myself.
The Wishverse broke off from the Wandererverse at two points: In 1993, Steve St. Wolf was
beheaded by the Hunters and in 1996, Buffy Summers did not come to Sunnydale.
1. Without Buffy's presence, the Harvest occurred, the Master arose and the town became
controlled by vampires.
2. Willow and Xander were turned into vicarious vampires and lovers, the Master's chief lieutenants.
3. Angel came to Sunnydale to wait for Buffy but she never came. He was captured and tortured
by Willow and Xander for two years.
4. Without a Slayer, Rupert Giles organized "the White Hats," humans who fought vampires, including Oz and Larry.
5. Oz was not bitten by his cousin and thus is not a werewolf. Also, he and Larry are lovers.
6. In "Be Careful What You Wish For...", Buffy, Angel, Willow and Xander crossed into the
Wandererverse. Willow and Xander were cursed with souls while Angel was recursed without the
"moment of happiness" clause. They journeyed back to their Earth and helped eliminate the Master and end the vampire's dominance of the town.
7. Buffy is now Immortal with the Immortal Ceirdwyn her teacher.
8. Catherine Madison never became a cheerleader and thus she and Amy have a much better
relationship. They came to town to battle the vampires and have decided to stay, Catherine
running a magic shop.
9. Amy is a redhead and is now in a relationship with Xander and Willow. Also, she's teaching
Willow magic.
10. Ceirdwyn is a Scottish Immortal working on the Sunnydale police force and teaching Buffy.
She's also forming a friendship with King Arthur, who was awoken and now aids the others in battle.
11. When Buffy died, Harmony Kendall was called as a Slayer. She now works with the group.
12. Alison Jarman's parents were killed by a vampire a few months before the Harvest. She
eventually found her way to Underhill where she met her elven grandmother and found out her
true heritage. After spending time in Underhill, she returned to Earth and Sunnydale and now aids
the group.
13. Jonathan is a comic-loving hi-tech geek who's found a place with the group and has a crush on Harmony.
14. Jenny Calendar came to Sunnydale after the vampires were beaten. The group knows who she
is and has accepted her. When they discovered she was aiding Angel, her clan cast her out. She
now works as a computer teacher and is getting closer to Giles.
15. Amy is an Amazon while Giles, Oz and Larry have empowerments from the Genie from Aladdin's lamp.
16. In "Who Watches the Watcher?" Amy and Willow seduced Giles into a brief encounter.
17. In "Payback's a Bastard," a drunken Jenny, having discovered Giles' fling, had a one-night stand with Xander.
A wild story that struck me and thought I'd share. Enjoy.
Home of Rupert Giles
Sunnydale, CA
April 2nd, 1999
2023 Hours PST
A knock on the door cut through the thoughts of Rupert Giles. He rose from his desk, leaving behind the pile of books and papers he'd had spread out. He marched to the door, clad in a pair of trousers and tweed vest. He opened the door and blinked at the person before him. "Jenny?"
"Hi, Rupert," Jenny Calendar said with a sigh. "Can...Can I come in?" Her fingers were around a small cross on her neck, fingering it gently as Giles stepped aside. The former Gypsy stepped in, brushing at her dark hair, her dark dress flowing around her. She seemed nervous as Giles shut the door and led her to the living room.
"Can I get you some tea?" the Watcher asked.
"No, thank you," Jenny sighed. "No, I...just wanted to talk."
Giles was calmer than he thought he would be as he headed toward the kitchen and retrieved a cup of tea he had left there. He walked back to the living room and sat across from Jenny. "So...what did you, um, want to talk about?"
Jenny looked at him. "I think you know what."
Giles looked down. "Yes...yes, I suppose I do." He and Jenny hadn't talked since Giles' admission of his one night with Willow and Amy. It had been a difficult thing for the duo to take. They had been making progress with a relationship of sorts but this had thrown a wrench into things. They looked at each other for a long moment as Giles sipped at his tea. "Jenny...I'm not going to apologize for what happened. It was a while ago and you and I didn't quite know each other the way we now do. It was sudden and, to be utterly frank it was private and I didn't see any reason to tell------"
"Put down your cup," Jenny said.
Giles paused in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"
"Put down the cup," Jenny repeated. "Just put it down, swallow whatever is left in your mouth, try not to be in a position to kick or strike anything."
Giles did so, not quite understanding why. Taking a deep breath, Jenny brushed at her hair and spoke. "I slept with Xander."
Giles blinked. He blinked again. He blinked twice more as his jaw unhinged. "W...what?" He managed to choke out. "What are....Are you serious?"
"You want a vivid description of his distinguishing features?" Jenny shot back. She rubbed at her face. "After you told me...I was upset, I went home, I...well, I had a couple more drinks than I should have and...and I just wanted to get back at you somehow and..." She shrugged. "It was just one time. He knows and understands that, incredibly enough."
Giles was still trying to take this in. "You...and Xander," he dully stated.
Jenny looked up at him. "You're not apologizing for yours, I won't for mine," she stated. The slightest hint of a smirk came to her face. "And I have to say there's not much to apologize for..."
"I spared you details," Giles broke in. "I hope you can do the same for me."
Jenny sat back in her chair. "Well...As much as I hate to say it...the experience did give me some perspective on just how hard it is to stand up to a vampire's charms. So...I do understand how you could have succumbed to those two."
Giles was silent for a moment as he absorbed this new information. "And you're telling me, why? To get back at me?"
Jenny sighed. "That was what it was supposed to be in my drunken thinking," she admitted. "But...but the real reason I'm telling is...so we can be honest with each other." She looked Giles in the eye. "I don't know quite where...we...are going, Rupert. But I do think that keeping secrets from the start is not getting off on the right foot."
"I would agree," Giles said. "Particularly given what my doppelganger told me happened to our versions in that other reality." He shook his head. "I didn't want to hurt you, Jenny. That was never my intention."
"I know," she told him. "I understand, I truly do." She leaned in a bit toward him. "Can we...can we just try to move past this? Start again?"
Giles looked into those beautiful eyes and smiled. "I think we can arrange that." He was about to lower his tea and move in toward her...
The door blasted off its hinges, startling the two teachers. They spun around to see a figure enter the house. He stopped in the living room to look at them. He was clad from head to toe in a bright spandex outfit, mostly red over the body with black patches over his thighs, shoulders and patterned on his mid-section. A red mask completely covered his head with black circles dominating the face and white eyeslits within them. On his back were a pair of swords in scabbards and a set of machine pistols and other weaponry hung from his belt and a holster.
"Hi there," he said in a bright voice, slightly muffled by the mask. "I'm looking for a Rupert Giles and Jenny Calendar?"
"Who the hell?" Jenny demanded, staring at the bizarre figure before her.
"What do you want?" Giles also demanded.
"Are you them?" the masked man returned.
"Why?" Giles asked.
"Well, cause it's your house and ya know, somehow I doubt there's another boring British guy and hot former Gypsy in town," the man offhandley said.
"What do you want?" Giles repeated.
"Well, I was hired to find you," the masked figure said.
"And so you have," Jenny noted. "Congratulations. You can go now."
"Yeah, well, I was also hired to kill you," he shrugged. "Sorry."
Jenny scoffed. "Oh, did you take the wrong boss."
"Ah, come on," the man said. "How bad can you be? What are you going to do? Hit me with teabags?"
Jenny motioned to Giles, who had removed his glasses. "This man has season tickets to Manchester United's home games."
The eyes on the man's mask went up. "Okay, maybe this *will* be fun after all."
"Glad you think so."
The man turned at the female voice just in time to catch a crescent kick to the face that sent him flying back into a coffee table. Marching through the doorway, Buffy Summers, the Immortal Vampire Slayer, stood before the man as if daring him to get back up. She wore a pair of jeans and black sweater that hid her athletic form, her blond hair in a ponytail. Behind her was Angel, the vampire wearing his trademark dark pants, shirt and long jacket.
The masked man sat up, rubbing at his chin. "Nice kick," he murmured. "Ah, shit, you nearly broke my jaw! Had to have it wired shut for two months a while back! That was slow torture!"
"Maybe we can find a longer one for you," Angel said with menace.
"Just who are you anyway?" Buffy demanded.
The man leaped up to his feet and backed up. "Yeah, guess we are late on intros. Say hello to Deadpool, kiddies! 'Hello, Deadpool.'"
He pulled out a submachine gun, the safety off and cocked. "Say goodbye to Deadpool, kiddies! 'Goodbye, Deadpool.'"
He pulled the trigger, unloading a slew of bullets that Buffy and Angel barely ducked. The vampire winced as one bullet found his shoulder and rolled on the floor. "I hate this guy already," he muttered as he got to his feet.
Deadpool swung his gun around to where Giles and Jenny had been. The two were already moving, however, diving into the kitchen as bullets raked the wall and floor. In a very athletic move, Jenny slid along the floor even as she managed to pull out her cell phone. She swiftly dialed the first number she could think of. She crouched in a corner as it rang and a female voice picked up. "Hello?"
"Harmony, get the others and get to Giles' fast, we're under attack!" Jenny yelled. Giles was beside her, trying to get a read on where the assassin was coming from and how best to fight him.
Before Deadpool could move into the kitchen, Buffy's foot lashed out and knocked the gun away. The Slayer did a spin kick into Deadpool's gut, sending him into a wall. "Wow, nice form," the man said. "Good to know that the tae-bo craze still catches on. Good thing for Billy Blanks or Banks or whatever his name is. Proves a black guy doesn't have to rap in order to make it in the world! Martin Luther would be proud!"
Buffy had been blocking several punches and kicks the man had been attempting at her even as he spoke. "Glad you approve," she remarked as she threw a punch at his chin.
"Again with the jaw!" Deadpool exclaimed, falling back. "God, have some sense of decency!"
He moved away from Buffy to see Angel coming at him. "Ah, you must be Angel," he said. "Not much of an accent for an Irish guy, huh? Let me guess, books on tape? Seems to be a popular pastime for brooding guys with no extra time on their hands. Well, that and online porn, which is a good pastime too." He dodged a punch Angel threw and kicked out at him with a punch of his own following. "Come on! You're Irish and this is the best fighting you can do? Come on, be like John in 'The Quiet Man!'"
"Never saw it," Angel said as he kicked at the mercenary.
Deadpool caught his leg and stared at him. "I'm fighting an Irishman who's never seen 'The Quiet Man?'" He seemed to roll his eyes. "Oh, I'm getting overpaid for this."
"Thanks," Angel muttered as he managed to grab Deadpool and throw him across the room. The costumed man hit the floor in a roll, coming back up to his feet, another gun in his hands. Buffy was on him though, her sword flaying in the air before him, driving him back. Deadpool tried to lunge at her but Buffy knocked back his arms, then drove her sword forward.
The katana's blade hit the mercenary square in the chest, the point nearly going out his back. He stopped, gasping as he slowly slumped forward. Buffy yanked the blade out as the man collapsed on the ground. She stared at him, thrown. The move had been instinct, what she had been taught. She only now realized she had just killed the man. "Oh, God..." she whispered.
Angel came to her, staring at the unmoving body. "Buffy, it's okay," he said, gently touching her on the shoulders.
Buffy shook her head. "I....I've never killed a human before. I mean, once but...that was a duel and..."
"It's okay," Angel comforted her. "It will be."
Buffy shuddered. "God...I know he was a killer and all but still..."
"You have nothing to be guilty for," Angel assured her.
"The hell she doesn't!"
Angel and Buffy both stared as Deadpool suddenly pushed himself up, holding his chest. "Jeez, lady, do you have any idea what it takes to get this shit laundered? You can't just buy this specialized teleportational leather anywhere, you know!"
Angel stared at the healed wound in the man's chest, then at Buffy. "Is he?"
Buffy shook her head, her face in confusion. "No...How the hell....what are you?"
"Your worst nightmare, honey," Deadpool said as he rose to his feet. "A Canadian with a super healing factor, a nasty sense of humor, some big-ass guns and a death wish." He reached back and pulled a large sword out of its scabbard. "Let's go for round two! Our categories are decapitation, evisceration, mutilation, humiliation and draw and quarter." He spun the sword in his hands as he moved in. "I'll take decapitation for a thousand, Alex!"
"Can't this thing go faster?" Alison Jarman demanded.
"Hey, don't knock it!" Harmony Kendall shot back. "This is the best car my parents could get for me!" The other Vampire Slayer pressed down on the accelerator, pushing the Porsche hard down the empty streets. In the backseat, Jonathan yelped as he was thrown against the door. The trio had been at the Bronze for a night out when Jenny's hurried call had come in and had quickly headed to Giles' place.
Ali was shuffling through her dark coat, muttering under her breath. "Dammit, I wish I had more weapons on me."
"I've got a couple of stakes," Harmony replied. "Hopefully, we should be able to improvise something when we get there." She glanced briefly into the backseat. "Jonathan, you get a hold of the others?"
He nodded. "Amy, Xander and Willow are getting here as fast as possible. Same with Ceirdwyn and Arthur."
Ali sniffed. "Given the chances that they were all naked, it may be a while before Amy, Xander and Willow show up."
Harmony took a turn so fast the wheels nearly lifted off the street, barreling toward Giles' house. They saw a figure suddenly fly out the front door, landing hard on the porch and rolling to his feet. He had a gun in his hands which he held up as he heard the car approaching. He spun around, the barrel erupting with bullets.
"Shit!" Harmony yelped as she threw the car into a turn, instinctively ducking, as did Ali. The bullets ripped into the hood and sides, shattering one window. There might have been more but there was a loud click as Deadpool's gun run out of ammo. "Damn it, I hate wasting bullets!" the mercenary yelled as he began to change clips. "I'm very big into lead conservation."
Harmony kicked open a door and got out, looking over the damage to her car. Her face shifted from dismay to rage. "Oh, this guy's made the list," she hissed as she rushed around the hood and toward the masked man. She leaped upwards and leapt toward him with her right foot extended.
Deadpool barely dodged, Harmony's heel smacking him on the back. "Ow!" He turned in time to catch another boot to the face. "Hey! One is supposed to remove one's footwear *before* doing footsies!" He broke off with a yelp as Harmony managed to grab his arm, placing a hand on his wrist and the other just below his elbow. She quickly twisted and pushed and a loud snap went out. Deadpool let out a yell before glaring at her. "You just blew the Red Sox's chances this year!"
Ali was out of the car, her weapon in her hand as she rushed to the battle. Harmony was trading some blows with Deadpool, who managed to kick her away. He backflipped toward the car, eyeing it. "Hey, Porsche! Daddy's gotta try this-------"
The door to the backseat opened, slamming into Deadpool, knocking him off-balance. Jonathan got out, not quite realizing what he had done. "Hey, hold up, I need to find my----" He looked over at Deadpool, seeing him for the first time. "Oh. Um, sorry."
Deadpool got up, rubbing at his side. "Damn, that was embarrassing," he muttered under his breath. He held up his arm, gripped it with his free hand and, with a slight crunch, snapped it back into place. He waved it as it stitched together and was good as new.
"Oh, wow," Jonathan said. "That is so cool! It's like something out of X-Men or that show about undying warriors or----"
The next thing Jonathan knew, he was staring into the large barrel of an ugly gun. "Kid, I generally don't do freebies," the mercenary said. "I'm getting paid to kill just these guys. Don't make me break my policy."
A blur of motion caught the corner of his eye and he turned to see Harmony and Buffy charging at them. He snap-aimed and fired off some rounds which the two Slayers just managed to dodge. "I'm getting paid to waste a couple of blondes?" he stated. "I must be slipping."
There was another blur and suddenly Angel was before him, trying to go on the attack. Deadpool ducked a couple of blows, continuing to talk as he did. "You guys should be grateful. The money wasn't enough to attract Slade. Oh, he would have killed you all the same but with nowhere near my charm."
He spun around Angel, giving him a kick to the back as he faced the rushing Ali. "You should really be grateful," he said as he dodged her thrust and threw a punch at her face. "Do you know how few assassins do this much talking? They're all the oh-so-drab-silent-but-deadly types." He turned to block a kick from Buffy and throw her aside onto Angel. "Well, except Bulls, but let's face it, that guy's just nuts." He held up his sword again to block a few attempted attacks by Buffy. "Now, that Greek chick with the sais..." He lashed out at Harmony, ducking under a kick and landing one of his own that knocked her to the ground. "Hey, if you gotta have one last sight on Earth before you die..."
"God, do you *always* talk this much?!" Jenny demanded as she and Giles came out of the house.
"Why do you think I became a contract assassin? My phone bills are astronomical!"
Buffy looked over to where Angel was lying on the ground. "You okay?"
"Yeah," the vampire replied. "Just let me catch my lack of breath."
"Don't worry," Deadpool called out. "I'll put you all in that same boat soon enough!"
A bullet richoteched the car near him, the red-clad man ducking down. He saw Giles standing on the porch, a gun in his hand and aiming at the assassin. The Watcher pulled the trigger again, Deadpool yelping as the bullet grazed his shoulder. "Watch it with that! Damn, since when does a Brit get to be so good with guns? Oh, wait, you work at a high school..."
He pulled up another small machine gun only to feel a hard grip on his wrist. He looked up to see Xander Harris smiling at him. The souled vampire wore his usual dark pants and jacket with t-shirt and didn't have to put that much effort into holding the man in place. "Hi there," he said before belting Deadpool in the face, sending him flying off. He landed hard with a whoosh of air, shaking his head as he looked up.
He saw two figures moving beside Xander. Willow Rosenburg was in her usual sexy leather outfit that fit like a second skin over her shapely body. Amy Madison was wearing a simple pair of jeans and ruffled blouse with a couple of buttons misaligned as if it had been buttoned in a hurry. Her red hair looked a bit ruffled as well as she looked down at Deadpool. "Nice outfit."
"Least mine doesn't look like it came from a cheap porno," the man shot back as he jumped back to his feet. He let another rush of air as Amy snap-kicked him into the mid-section, knocking him back. "Note to self," he groaned. "At first opportunity, steal some of that Stark armor before you fight someone."
Willow glanced to Buffy, who had gotten her sword back out. "Who is this guy?"
"Calls himself Deadpool," Buffy answered. "Be careful, he's dangerous!"
"How dangerous can someone named after the worst Dirty Harry movie be?" Xander remarked. He looked over at the man's outfit. "Nice. Shouldn't you be off fighting Michael Dudikoff or that guy who played the dork on 'Step By Step?'"
"Foul! Foul! Foul!" Deadpool cried. "Irrelevant, irreverent and obscure cultural references are my trademarked shtick!"
"Okay, let's send this guy to where all that red will fit in!" Amy said.
"Sorry, hon," Deadpool retorted. "But when I cancel my ticket, it ain't gonna be to some bunch of 'Dawson's Creek' rejects."
"By the time we're done," Buffy hissed. "You'll be changing your name from Deadpool to Deadhead."
"Oh, like I've never heard that one before," he sighed as he leaped up onto the hood of Harmony's car. His foot shot out to kick Willow in the face, knocking her back. Immediately, Amy and Xander were moving in on him, the assassin flipping backward to avoid Amy's sweep kick, landing on the ground and firing a trio of rounds into Xander's chest. He yelled as he fell back, rolling on the ground before coming back up with his game face on.
"Ah, shit, you're one of the vamps," Deadpool said. He jumped to the ground, firing a burst at the dirt to drive back the others before pulling a dark pistol off his belt. He cocked it as he aimed at Xander and Willow who had moved by him. "Eat this, suckers! And I do mean that in a double way!"
He fired several rounds into them, then turned to fire a trio at Angel. He paused, the gun still held up, the mouth area of his mask seeming to frown. He looked at Angel, then looked back to Willow and Xander, who were picking themselves up. "The hey? You guys should be vapor right now!"
Angel grimaced as he reached into one wound and yanked out the bullet. He held it up, seeing it gleam under the lights from the sky. "Silver."
Xander scoffed. "We're vampires, asshole, not werewolves!"
"Oh, for..." Deadpool groaned as he dropped the gun and threw up his hands. "He gave me the wrong guns AGAIN!" He shook his head. "Second note to self: At earliest opportunity, shoot Weasel in the kneecaps." He sighed as he hefted up his sword again. "Well in that case...slap me gray and call me Cushing!"
He spun the sword in his hands and lunged forward. He met Buffy head-on, blocking a few sword thrusts from her before driving the sword into her chest. The Slayer let out a gasp of pain as she slumped forward onto the ground. He spun around to thrust it at Harmony. She fell back to dodge the strike but it left her open to the savage kick to the cheek Deadpool performed. Ali's own attempts to battle him did little better, her own sword thrusts parried as the mercenary doubled her over with a kick to her stomach and then her head. "Now, I know it may not be fair to kill you on a school night but somehow I doubt any of you are doing so well in classes you'll be missed that much."
He turned toward the porch, where Giles and Jenny had reached the ground. "And hell, I'm sure there's a couple of students of yours that would gladly pay me to take you out!" He moved in, sword held up. Jenny held up a hand, whispering an incantation as a wave of energy lashed out and knocked Deadpool back. He landed in a roll, coming up and shaking his head. "Damn," he muttered. "How the hell-------"
"Like this, asshole!" Amy yelled as she unleashed a magic bolt of her own. Deadpool ducked beneath it before staring at her. "Witches? Hold up, nothing in the contract about there being witches!"
"Maybe it was in the sanity clause," Giles deadpanned.
"Dammit, I make the jokes around here! Me!"
Arthur Pendragon let out a small gasp as he backed himself in the passenger seat. "Ceirdwyn, could you please slow down a bit?"
"We're trying to get to Giles to help the others," the Immortal policewoman said as she took the same sharp turns Harmony had minutes earlier. The siren on her car roof was flashing and blaring as she made her way down the street. "Just relax, Arthur."
"My apologies," the former king of England said. "I'm still getting over no longer traveling by horse. Which, I must say was a far more safe ride."
"You have to adapt to progress, Arthur," the Immortal replied. "Take it from someone who knows." She twisted the wheel to bring the car into the driveway, parking it right behind Amy's. She saw Buffy on the ground with Angel leaning over her and immediately hopped out of the car. As she approached, she saw Buffy gasp as she revived and try to sit up. Arthur was behind her, already pulling Excalibur from under his coat as he walked to them. "Are you all right?" Ceirdwyn asked.
"Peachy," Buffy grunted as she let Angel help her back to her feet, brushing at her clothes.
"What is happening?" Arthur asked.
Buffy nodded to the house. "Some costumed nutcase is here and it looks like he's here to kill us for somebody. He's got swords, guns and even though he's not Immortal he heals like you won't believe."
"Sounds dangerous," Arthur noted. "What's our strategy?"
Buffy paused before looking at him. "Um...strategy?"
"I vote for stabbing and shooting him until he's not moving anymore."
Buffy and Arthur looked and Ceirdwyn and then at each other. "Celts."
A roar of engines came up and the four turned to see another car park by the curb. The doors opened as Larry Blaisdell and Oz Green quickly hopped out. As ever, they were the odd couple: The bulky football player dressed in a nice shirt and slacks while the blue-haired and wiry guitarist wore a pair of jeans and a scruffy t-shirt. "Hey, sorry we're late," Larry said as they came up. "What's up?"
Buffy motioned to the backyard. "Come on, you guys can play catch-up on the way."
In moments, the group were rushing to the backyard, where Deadpool was in the middle of a mass assault by the group. With amazing agility, he leaped over Harmony, kicking her in the back as he did. Landing on his feet, he slammed the butt of his gun into Xander's chin then threw a kick into Willow's face. "To me, Taskmaster gives us all a bad name," he said in an offhand manner as he started trading blows with Amy, Jenny and Giles. "He sees a skill, he copies it, he thinks he's impressive. That's not a skill, that's just laziness!" He caught Jenny off-balance into a throw, sending her flying into Giles, the two landing in a heap on the ground. "I had to work to get where I am!" He shrugged. "Well, that and be operated on by a clandestine spy organization with no care for human beings..."
"Yeah, they really rubbed off on you, didn't they?" Xander remarked as he made another move toward the man only to be punched back. He shook his head, his game face briefly showing. "I don't appreciate you trying to kill me and my friends!"
"Hey, we all have to make a living!" Deadpool says. "Well, cept you, cause, you're not actually alive..." He let out a yell as Ali managed to jab him in the lower back with her sword. He leaped forward and then spun around, lashing a savage kick to her face. "Ya know, I could have used that just a little lower and to the left..."
He turned to face Willow, who was letting loose with several punches that he was able to dodge. "Nothing personal, kid," he said. "A, I'm getting paid to kill you. And B, I simply hate seeing someone look better in a skintight outfit than I do."
"Okay," Xander said as he moved to back up Willow. "When the good guys and the bad guys *agree* on something..."
"Ooooh, dis!" Larry called out as he and Oz entered the fray.
"How would YOU know?" the two vampires said.
"Point," Oz remarked.
"Ah, the man of few words," Deadpool said as he swung a blow that took Oz by surprise. "My, isn't this the meeting of opposite ends?"
"God, what does it take to kill this guy?" Harmony demanded.
"Forget that!" Ali yelled. "What does it take to shut him up?!"
"Deadpool," Ceirdwyn hissed, her eyes narrowed. "I shouldn't be surprised..."
Deadpool blocked a punch Giles threw at him, his free hand holding up his gun. "Special delivery! The kind that can't be done by FedEx."
The gun was knocked away by Ceirdwyn's sword, the Immortal right by his side. "From what I've heard," she said with a smile. "You'd know all about that."
"Oh, sure, get beaten and mailed back to your boss ONCE and you never hear the end of it!" the mercenary groaned as he ducked the swing of the policewoman's sword.
"Me, I would have sent you fifth class," she quipped as she tried to attack again.
"Because you're a cheapskate?" Deadpool replied, his own sword blocking her blows.
"No, because I can imagine the ripe smell you'd be giving off by the time you finally got delivered."
"Oh, everyone's a comedian..." His sword slammed against hers as they moved close together. The eyes on the man's mask seemed to narrow as he took her in. "Wait a minute..." he muttered. "I coulda sworn I killed you once before..."
"Madrid," Ceirdwyn informed him. "1994."
"Oooooh, yeah....That was a fun mission. So, how come...?"
"A long story we don't need to go into now."
"Ok," he said as he spun back and slashed his blade across her torso. "I do hate leaving a job unfinished."
Ceirdwyn went down, gasping with pain as she held her stomach. Deadpool moved in for a killing blow only to have his sword blocked by another blade. He looked up to see Arthur before him, the king thrusting his sword back. "Surrender now," he said in a hard and clipped tone. "Before this gets bad."
Deadpool raised an eyebrow. "Surrender before a fight? I'm Canadian, pal, I'm not FRENCH-Canadian!"
Arthur's face grew cold. "My best knight was French. So beware whose memory you insult."
"Okay, I'll stick to insulting you."
"Then you will pay a severe price," Arthur said as he hefted Excalibur up.
"Uh huh. And that's your price gun, I take it?" The assassin snorted even as he lunged forward, his blade swiping at Arthur's face. With practiced ease, he blocked it expertly and thrust back to go on the attack himself. Arthur swung out Excalibur, nicely cleaving Deadpool's sword in two.
The assassin looked at the broken sword handle, then at Arthur. "Well, that's darn emasculating."
"You cannot win against Excalibur," Arthur informed him.
"Really? Well, let me try a few 'Calibers" of my own!" Deadpool pulled out yet another gun from his seemingly endless collection and opened up, Arthur barely having time to duck and dodge the bullets. "Welcome to the 20th century, asshole. Well, at least the last year of it."
"Actually," Jonathan piped in. "It doesn't actually end until 2001..." He let out a yelp as Deadpool fired a burst near his feet.
"I hate math geeks," the masked man murmured.
"Hey, leave him alone!" Willow yelled. "He's a good guy while you're just an amoral murderer!"
"Oh, now hold on! Let she without the triple digit body count cast the first stone!"
"That was before they restored my soul!"
"Hey, Red, I wasn't *blaming* you. I had to work five years to get to where you got that quick!"
Willow growled. "You are so dead."
Deadpool sniffed. "You've all been trying for twenty minutes and haven't done the job yet, kiddo. Once more, I think I'm being way overpaid for------"
He felt, more than saw, a presence behind him and in a lightning fast move spun around, his arm gripping someone around the waist, pulling around them and placing a gun to their head. He realized from the mane of long hair that it was Harmony, his grip around her throat as tight as his finger on the trigger of his weapon. The Slayer went still, knowing Deadpool would kill her at the slightest movement. The group also froze, everyone tensed and waiting for the next move.
"Okay," Deadpool called out. "Here's the deal. You guys lower the weapons or blondie hear loses some more brain cells."
"Wait," Giles called out. "All right. Let's just discuss this in a rational matter."
"Ah, chivalry," Deadpool said with a smile. "It always gets the suckers in the end."
Buffy hefted her sword. "She goes...you're right after her. I don't care if I have to hack you into pieces to do it."
"Been there, done that," he shrugged. "So...who's first to line up to get hot lead in the brain case?"
"Actually, I have a way to resolve this without bloodshed," Giles said as he carefully reached into his pocket.
"Of course," Deadpool scoffed. "The Brits always want to be civilized. What's your idea, Captain Courageous?"
Giles pulled out a small pen and what looked like a small booklet. "Before we go any further," he said in a calm tone. "How much were you paid to, how do they put it, take us out?"
The eyebrows on Deadpool's mask twitched. "Huh. That's the first time anyone's ever asked how much they were worth. Nice egos."
"Giles," Harmony said in a tight voice. "Do you mind GETTING ME OUT OF THIS?!"
"Seriously, sir," Giles calmly continued. "And I use that term loosely...How much?"
Deadpool paused before speaking. "Ten million."
Everyone stared at them. "For all of us?" Xander said. "I mean...the whole group was ten mill?" At Deadpool's nod, Xander looked insulted. "I don't believe it. Come on, me and Willow alone..."
"And since when are you two alone?" Amy put in.
"Not to mention two Slayers," Willow pointed out. "And Angel..."
"GUYS!" Harmony yelled.
Giles had simply nodded and was writing something in the small booklet before him which the group realized was a checkbook. He quickly ripped off one piece of paper and then held it out to Deadpool. "I trust this is sufficient to, ahem, settle our differences?"
Deadpool squinted at the paper, reading the long list of numbers and the eyes of his mask went wide. He immediately released Harmony and yanked the check away from Giles' hand. "Holy hot tamale, Puerto Vallerta, here I come!"
"Huh?" Buffy gaped. "You mean you'll stop if we pay you more?"
"I'm a mercenary, Scarface," Deadpool jibed. "I go where the money is. Hell, double this and I'll go and kill who hired me to kill you!"
"Who did?" Buffy demanded.
Deadpool shook his head. "Sorry, honey. Lips are sealed, client confidentiality and all."
"I'll pay more," Giles offered.
"No can do," Deadpool said. "I am a professional and I have standards."
"You just said you'd kill them if we offered you enough!" Ali yelled.
"Yeah but I won't just blab who hired me. I have to have some professional ethics." He had been collecting his guns and other weapons as he spoke and when finished, he gave the group a quick wave. "Well, it's been a blast. Literally. See ya around." His body twinkled in a sparkle of light and then he was gone.
"Teleporter," Jonathan remarked, seeming a little jealous. "He must have it in his costume somewhere..."
"That's it?" Buffy asked. "We fight him, he kicks our asses and you end up PAYING him to leave us alone?"
"Never underestimate the value of good old-fashioned greed, Buffy," Giles observed. "You'll be amazed how many times my fortune has gotten me out of a rough jam."
"G-Man!" Xander remarked. "You're loaded?"
Giles shrugged modestly. "I have my resources..."
"Wow," Willow said with a wicked smile. "Rich and damn good in bed! Jenny, you are soooo...."
"Don't. Start."
Buffy looked at Willow in confusion. "What do you mean, damn good------" She broke off and her face took on a look of horror as she realized what Willow meant. "You....and..."
"Me," Amy chimed in.
Buffy just gaped as Harmony closed her eyes. "Okay, I think I just bought a permenant passport to scary visual place."
"Hey, now, to be fair, Jenny's about his match," Xander interjected.
The two teachers buried their hands in their faces as the Slayers, Ali and Johnathan just stared in mute shock. "Hey, there might be something!" Amy declared to Giles. "Me and Will, Buffy and Harmony?"
"Blondes vs redheads!" Xander nodded. "That would be a show. Hell, we might even put it on pay-per-view!"
"With the DVD continaing extra footage of course," Willow giggled.
Angel sighed as he looked at the two vampires. "I will stake the next one of you who says another word. I mean it."
Johnathan raised a hand. "I'm taking a vow of silence regarding this entire conversation, who's with me?" A half-dozen hands went up.
Giles looked at his house. "Well....I do have some cleaning up to do."
"I'll help," Jenny said.
"So will I," Ceirdwyn stated. "And hopefully we can keep this quiet from the rest of the police force."
Harmony looked at the group. "Well....guess that's a night for us, then."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "And so ends a typical night on the Hellmouth."
"Actually, I thought it was a good break," Angel stated.
"Huh?" Buffy asked in confusion.
"Well, for the last few decades, the people who have wanted to kill me were either out for revenge or trying to make some ancient ritual work. All in all, they were fanatics in one way or another. You have no idea how refreshing it is to meet someone who was trying to kill me for the money."
"Speak for yourself," Buffy snorted. "I'm worth three times whatever he was being paid to whack me!"
Willow and Xander both looked at her with lavacious expressions.
Buffy buried her face in her hands. "I just never learn, do I?"
Headquarters of the Order of Taraka
Location Secret
2352 Hours PST
The hooded and dark-garbed Chief of the Order of Tereka sighed into the phone. "Yes, sir. Yes, Mr. Mayor, I understand....yes, I know it's a drawback....well, sir, I did warn you the man could have this problem...Yes...yes....All right....yes, sir...Don't worry, sir, we'll find someone...Yes, I assure you, they will die. Thank you, sir."
He sighed and hung up the phone as he turned to an underling. "Make a note. For such major contracts as this, no more freelancers. From here on in, we handle everything in-house."
The underling nodded. "What of Sunnydale? Should I send in some of our more powerful killers?"
The Chief rose from his seat as he thought about it. "No...No, they'll be ready for something like that. No, we need another type of killer." He paced toward the window of his room. "We need someone subtle, someone who seems innocent, trustworthy, someone who can worm their way into their trust and good graces and then strike from within when they're unprepared. Someone they would never suspect."
He paused by the window and looked out into the training area outside. There, a young woman with long blonde hair, dressed in black was standing in a small pile of bodies. He watched as a Grappler demon charged at her, the woman waving her hand and causing a blast of magic to nearly take the demon's head off. She spun to freeze another in place, marching forward, taking its head in her hands and snapping its neck. One Grappler tried to pull itself up and was rewarded by a wave of the hand that ignited its skin, setting him on fire. The flames of the withering body lit up the woman's face, innocent features pulled back in a wicked sneer.
The Order Chief looked to his underling and nodded toward the blonde-haired woman as he spoke.
"Tell Tara I've got a job for her."