St. Wolf Residence
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
Wish Buffy started at the knock on the bedroom door shook her out of a fitful slumber. Her head darted back and forth before she remembered where she was. Sighing in frustration as she thought exactly what "where" meant, she got out of the bed and walked over to the door.
"Yeah? Who is it?" Wish Buffy asked in a demanding tone.
"Your evil twin," came the sarcastic answer from the other side of the door.
Wish Buffy stifled a scream, and opened the door to reveal Buffy, holding a large bundle of clothes. She looked at Buffy's face, and asked, "What do you want?"
Controlling a smart comeback, the Immortal said, "I thought you could use these."
The Slayer looked at the clothes Buffy was holding out, and frowned. "Aren't I a little old to be getting hand-me-downs?"
With a sigh, Buffy said, "Look. We don't know how long you're going to be here, and unless you somehow packed your wardrobe before getting zapped here, you'll need some clothes to get by until we figure out how to get you home. I know these aren't high fashion, but that's because they're Slaying clothes. If you want good stuff, I can get it, but I'd have to run home to get it."
The alternate Summers girl looked at the clothes for a long second, and then took them without comment. When she turned around, Buffy said, "Hey."
With a soft groan, Wish Buffy turned around, impatiently wanting to end the uncomfortable conversation. "Yeah?"
"Since there's a pair of sweats in that pile," Buffy said easily, "you want to put 'em on and join us for a little sparring?"
"You're going to train hours before you go out hunting?"
"No, no, no," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Like I said, we're just gonna do some sparring, get loose. It'll knock off some of the nerves. We're just hanging out, more or less."
When her counterpart didn't react, Buffy sighed. "Okay, if you don't want to, that's okay. We're gonna order some pizza, we'll call you when it gets here if you're hungry."
Buffy turned to leave Wish Buffy alone.
"Hey, wait."
Buffy turned around.
"Give me a couple minutes," Wish Buffy said with a blank face. "I'll be right down."
She closed the door before Buffy could answer, but it also kept her from seeing the thoughtful look that crossed Buffy's face.
About five minutes later, Wish Buffy walked into the training room, and saw that most of the teenagers were there, watching Shaw spar with Cordelia with wooden training swords. She quickly saw that Cordelia's sword, had it been the real thing, would be a broadsword from the length and thickness of her practice blade. The half-elf's chosen weapons, <Plural> Wish Buffy thought in surprise, caught her off guard. Shaw was wielding the wooden version of a longsword in her right hand, and a short sword in her left.
She slowly walked over to the watchful Slayer, and Buffy nodded to her when she caught her in her gaze.
The other Buffy went in a roundabout pattern, so as not to distract or get in the way of the others, and watched as Shaw and Cordelia danced, for lack of a better term, their swords clacking together in a series of thrusts and parries.
"What the heck is she doing using two swords?" Wish Buffy asked her counterpart. "How often does she trip over herself?"
Buffy grinned, and said, "She's had a lot of training with the two-sword stuff. And it drives most of us nuts when she uses it."
"Is that some kind of elf thing?" she asked.
Buffy shook her head. "No, that comes from the way her kind of warrior fights. But she does have some of the elven training. It's sort of the speed and duck and weave thing, you know?"
Wish Buffy nodded as Cordelia tried three separate thrusts in rapid succession, but Shaw flawlessly blocked every one of them. The two backed away from each other, taking up defensive stances.
Cordelia gripped her kendo stick in a two-handed grip in a position similar to the one police officers referred to as the Weaver stance, her body facing Shaw's sideways, her hands holding the sword straight out.
"Come on, Hunter," the panting Amazon said with a smirk. "That the best you got?"
"Of course not, Cordelia," the sweating half-elf replied, snapping her head once to move her braid back over her shoulder. She held her body sideways like Cordelia, but there the similarities ended. Shaw had her long sword in her right hand, blade parallel to the floor, and her arm bent at a ninety-degree angle. Her left arm was extended straight out, the short blade in the same position. "I have not had to *use* my best as of yet."
Cordelia's smirk vanished as she got the jab, and said, "Ohhhhh, that's it. You're toast, girlfriend."
"I thought Xander was your girlfriend," Shaw grinned as she launched a two-handed assault on the Amazon.
The sound of colliding wood and laughter from the other kids drowned out Xander's "Hey!"
Shaw unleashed a flurry against Cordelia's blade, and the Amazon proved equal in defense to Shaw's offense, blocking or backing away from the ranger's uncharacteristic change in tactics. Shaw suddenly dropped, spinning into a sweep kick, but Cordelia jumped, executing a backward somersault and landing four feet back from where she'd been.
While Cordelia was in midair, Shaw released her swords, throwing the longsword straight up in the air while switching her shortsword to her right hand. She reached up and grasped the longsword with her left hand, and charged forward just as Cordelia set herself.
Letting out a battle cry, Shaw let out a long, sweeping slash with her right hand, her arm fully extended.
Cordelia, not shaken by the cry in the least, simply moved to block Shaw's strike. But, because the sword in Shaw's right hand was much shorter in length, her parry met empty air.
Shaw's left arm struck out forward, and drove the tip of the kendo stick into Cordelia's shapely stomach.
"OW!!" Cordelia snapped as the point drove home (in more ways than one).
"Point," Buffy said with a grin, while her counterpart just watched in amazement. She said, "Good round, you two."
"How the Hell did you do that? How'd you switch your swords like that?" Cordelia said as the others laughed. "I never saw it!"
"I know," Shaw said with a shrug. When Cordelia's eyes flashed, she sighed and told her, "I executed the switch while your back was to me when you performed the backflip. You could not see it because you were concentrating on landing."
Cordelia thought about it, and nodded. "Okay. But if you didn't have two swords, you wouldn't have done it."
"I would not have even tried it," Shaw said.
"I just said that," Cordy said, confused.
"I meant the sweep kick to set up the maneuver," the priestess replied. "I would not have been able to execute it if I had not had the shortsword in my hand."
"Why not?" Willow asked, thinking that the kids were about to learn another "Trick of the Hunter."
"Balance," the other Buffy said quickly. When everyone stared at her, she blushed but said, "She needed the second sword to balance out the weight from the first one. It centered her gravity and let her keep from spinning out of control."
"Thank you, Buffy," Shaw said as she took up a towel offered her by Oz and began to dry off the perspiration on her face. "You are correct."
"How did you know I'd do the backflip?" Cordelia demanded.
"I did not," Shaw admitted with a sheepish smile. "If you had merely hopped over my sweep, chances are likely I would have been, how do you say. . ."
"Toast?" Xander offered with a silly grin.
"I was thinking, 'dead meat,' but your phrase also rings accurate," Shaw laughed. "Cordelia is becoming quite good at countering my two-handed style."
With a sly look at the Amazon, she said, "Now you see why I no longer fight you with only one blade. It is much too dangerous."
Cordelia smiled, and said, "Okay, who's next?"
Buffy smiled and said, "Buffy and Willow."
Wish Buffy and Willow looked at her, and Buffy asked, "Do you mean me, or are you talking in the third person?"
"She means you, Buff," Xander said with a smile, which faded into fear when Buffy glared at him. "Whoa, Buff. I didn't mean anything by it."
"Why'd you call me 'Buff?'" Wish Buffy asked him with a less than neutral look in her eyes.
"Hey, it's just a nickname, like 'Xander' for me," Xander said defensively. "Sorry."
Realizing that it was innocent, the Slayer said, "Look, just forget it, okay?"
"Well, we gotta figure out some way to keep from going crazy because of you two," Cordelia said sourly.
"What do you mean by *that*?" Buffy from this universe asked.
"Buffy?" Shaw said.
"Yeah?" both Buffy's answered.
With a smirk, the older woman said, "That is what Cordelia means by that."
Both Slayers sent soft glares at her while the others laughed at them.
"Okay, okay," Buffy said aloud. "Laugh it up. Just wait 'til we get the other Willow and Xander here. We'll see how you like it."
"One of us can answer to 'Will,'" the Wiccan said with a smile. "But I can't speak for either Xander."
"Besides, they'll have it easier than you two," Amy added.
"How's that?" both Buffys asked, prompting moans from them.
"Well," Xander said, "we call you Buffy, you both answer."
"We don't want to say Summers, because that's way too 'Snyderish,'" Cordelia added with a smile.
Willow fired the last salvo, saying, "And if we say 'Slayer,' we'll have Kendra saying 'What?' along with you two."
"So, Buffy really is the best choice," Oz added with a tiny grin.
"Are they making fun of me?" Wish Buffy asked with a dab of hostility.
"You and me both," Buffy answered ruefully. "Enough, you guys."
Wish Buffy said, "Yeah, just call me by my full name."
"As you wish, Elizabeth Anne Summers," Shaw said with mock formality.
Both Buffys cringed, and glared at Shaw. The other Buffy said, "Please don't say that again, Shaw Hun-Ter."
"Nice try, Buffy," Willow giggled, "but that's not Shaw's full name."
"Do I even want to know it?" she asked the half-elf.
"That is up to you," Shaw mysteriously replied.
Wish Buffy moaned to herself, and grumpily said, "Aw, God damn. Okay, give to me. I'm not going to let someone else get the better of me."
"Shawukay Madison MacLeod Redarrow Hunter," Shaw replied with a perfectly straight face.
"You have got to be joking," Wish Buffy reasoned.
"No, Buffy," Shaw said. "Shawukay is my full first name. Madison is my middle name, MacLeod after a pair of warriors who adopted me into their clan, Redarrow is the combination of Redstar and Flamingarrow, the last names of my parents after tradition for half-elven children on my homeworld, and Hunter is the name I have chosen for myself here. It is really quite simple."
"Riiight," Wish Buffy said. "Shaw-ooo-key?"
"Shaw," everyone else answered, breaking into laughter as they did so.
"Stop laughing at me," Wish Buffy demanded.
Buffy put a hand on her shoulder, and said, "Hey, Buffy. Wait a minute here. We're just trying to get you to loosen up. And in Cordelia and Shaw's cases, that's saying something."
Cordelia started to speak, but Shaw asked, "Cordelia, is this the point at which an Earth person is supposed to shout, 'Hey?'"
Cordelia sent a glare at the smiling ranger, and growled, "Yeah."
"Oh. Thank you."
"I hope you take Slaying more seriously than this," Buffy growled.
"Of course we do," Buffy said. "But like I said, we're just hanging out right now." She let some sympathy show on her face, and she asked, "Don't you have anyone back home that you can talk to?"
"Yeah, right," the young woman bit off. "I've only had three friends in the last three years. One got drained by a vamp. Another died because of vamps. And this is the third."
Wish Buffy pulled a stake out from behind her back, and held it up for a few seconds before replacing it.
"Not much of a social circle," she said, barely loud enough to hear.
"Buffy, how'd Merrick die?" Buffy asked her double.
Wish Buffy stared at her, but didn't put any anger into her answer. "He had a heart attack, okay? He cared so much about me that he drove himself into the grave. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"No," Buffy answered. "I was hoping you'd tell me he was okay."
"Well, he's not." Wish Buffy took in and let out a deep breath. "Look, we gonna spar or not? I got some energy to work off."
"Okay," Willow said, her bright demeanor catching to the others. She walked over and picked up a shortsword, and walked over to the center of the room. When she saw Buffy looking at her strangely, she said, "What?"
"You're gonna use that puny thing?" the Slayer asked.
"What's wrong with it?" the redhead asked as she looked at the sword. "It's the right size for me."
"Yeah, but you're an Amazon, right?" Wish Buffy asked. When Willow said yes, Wish Buffy added, "Aren't you strong enough to use something longer?"
Willow seemed to consider it, and said, "I guess I could try it."
Willow picked up a longsword, and walked back over. "You ready, Buffy?"
Wish Buffy nodded as Shaw handed her wooden sword over to the Slayer.
"Begin!" Buffy shouted to the two combatants.
The fight didn't even last fifteen seconds.
Willow charged forward, thrusting with her sword. Wish Buffy sidestepped it, and brought her sword crashing down with an overhead chop. As Willow's sword as driven downward, Wish Buffy released her left hand and drove an elbow into Willow's jaw. Willow's head snapped back, and Wish Buffy spun around, chopping Willow's legs out from underneath her. As the witch was sent crashing to the mat, Wish Buffy drew the sword back and made a fake jab at Willow's heart.
"Kai!" Wish Buffy shouted triumphantly.
She backed up, not even breathing hard. It took her a few seconds to realize that Willow was recovering very slowly.
"Oh, crap," Wish Buffy whispered to herself. She knelt down and said, "I'm sorry, Red. You okay?"
"I can't believe you did that," Willow groaned in a low voice.
Wish Buffy recoiled, and her temper came to the fore. "What? I said I was sorry, all right?!? Sheesh!"
The Slayer stood up and said, "I'm sorry I hurt you, okay? Damn it, people! Can't you give someone a little slack?"
Wish Buffy started to turn away, but Cordelia stepped in front of her to block her path.
"Whoa there, girl," the Amazon told her. "It was an accident, okay? We're cool, so don't get your stakes in a bunch."
Wish Buffy clenched her teeth and one could almost imagine hearing them grind together. "I'll do what I want, when I want, Princess! So get out of my face!"
"Buffy," came a call from Willow. Wish Buffy turned to see the witch rubbing her jaw, and she told the Slayer, "I didn't mean to upset you. What I meant was I can't believe you beat me that quick."
Wish Buffy swallowed a bit as Willow's earnestness came through in her explanation. Finally, she nodded her head.
"Sorry," she said quietly.
Willow smiled, and asked, "Sorry enough to make it two out of three?"
"Ummmmm..."
"Oh, come on Buff," Xander said with a silly smile. "Let Willow try to keep *some* of her pride."
Willow looked at Cordelia. "Cordy, smack him for me."
"Gladly."
"OW!!!"
Wish Buffy just shook her head and said, "Okay, Rosenberg. I'll give you another shot. But try acting like you're using a longsword this time. It's different from shortsword styles."
"Where have we heard that before, Amy?" Shaw innocently asked over on the side.
The blonde witch pretended to be thinking about it, and musingly said, "I dunno. I know I've heard something like that said before."
Wish Buffy just sighed, and told Willow, "Bad habit, huh?"
"Yeah," Willow mumbled as she blushed a bit.
"Hey, if you're more comfortable with the shortsword, knock yourself out."
"No thanks, one today is enough," the computer expert grinned.
"Your funeral," the Slayer said. Just before they began, Wish Buffy said, "Wait."
When Willow paused, Wish Buffy said, "Hey, Chase. I told your boyfriend not to call me 'Buff.'"
"You're right," Cordelia said coldly. "You did."
Wish Buffy looked angry at the lack of a response, but decided to let it pass. Once Wish Buffy and Willow started their second sparring match, Xander leaned over next to Cordelia.
"Thanks," he whispered to her.
Cordelia grinned, and said, "Xander?"
"Yeah?"
SMACK!!!
"OW!!"
"Don't call her 'Buff.'"
An hour later, Larry arrived at Steve's, having been called by Steve, as had Charlie, so that Steve could have all available people in the field. As Larry walked in, he smiled when he saw Jenny and Giles waiting for him.
"Hey, Ms. Calendar, Mr. Giles," the football player said politely. When the two adults frowned at him, he said, "Sorry, Jenny, Giles."
"You'll get used to it, Larry," Jenny said kindly. "Steve's waiting for you in the office. You need to listen to what he tells you very carefully."
Larry's eyebrows shot up, and he said, "Is this some kind of 'break in the rookie' prank?"
"Why would you think such a thing, Mr. Blaisdell?" Giles asked in a wondering tone.
Larry started counting fingers. "Xander, Robin, Shaw. . ."
"True," Jenny laughed out loud. "But this is a serious matter, Larry."
"I sure hope so," Charlie said as he walked into the kitchen. "By the way, you had vamps hunting outside. I took care of them."
"Thank you, Charlie," Jenny said gratefully. "Well, Steve's waiting for you both. Go on in."
Larry and Charlie looked at each other, and walked towards the living room.
Jenny and Giles had to fight very hard to keep straight faces.
"Hey, Steve!" Charlie yelled as he walked into the living room. "I hope you know I was having dinner with---"
The souled vampire stopped dead, as did Larry, when they set their eyes on the sight in the living room.
Two Buffy Summers standing there, watching them.
Larry and Charlie looked at each other, and back at the waiting Slayers.
"I knew I should've left the phone off the hook," Charlie said regretfully.
The second Buffy looked at her counterpart, and said, "Hey, he's a..."
"Soul," Buffy said, cutting her off.
Wish Buffy paused in her outburst, and glared. "You expect me to work with bloodsuckers."
"Umm, excuse me?" Charlie said, finally closing his jaw. "I'm going to assume that there's an explanation for this."
"Yeah, Charlie," Buffy said with a sigh of frustration. "Go on in, and Steve'll explain the whole thing to you."
"You're not gonna tell us what's going on?" Larry asked.
"Nope," Buffy said with a grin. "I gotta have some fun with this."
"At least one of us is," the other Buffy said with a look to the Heavens.
"We're gone," Charlie said as he and Larry headed for the office.
The door opened, and Charlie and Larry started looking around.
"What are you looking for?" Steve asked.
"Your evil twin," Larry told him seriously.
With a sigh, Steve said, "Get your butts in here."
As Larry and Charlie came in and sat down, Steve gathered his thoughts.
"Okay, let's see if I can make this simple for you," Steve said, stopping when Charlie raised his hand. "Yes, Charlie?"
"A, you're cloning Section Seven," the vampire started with a smirk. "B, Buffy got a visit from her identical cousin from England. C, Shaw's gotten the glamour *very* down pat. D, you're going through 'Mirror, Mirror,' syndrome."
"Mirror, mirror?" Larry asked.
"Classic Trek," Charlie grinned. "Good Kirk, bad Kirk. . ."
"Oh, THAT one. Good ep," Larry said as he returned Charlie's grin.
"Cut out the antics, you two," Steve snapped. "For your information, Charlie, it's 'd.' Apparently, some people from an alternate reality were accidentally sent here through a spell."
"How 'bout you take it from the top, boss man?" Charlie said with a grin.
Steve described the whole scenario, and Charlie's grin quickly vanished. When Steve told them everything they'd pieced together from the information they had access to, Steve asked, "Well?"
"Let me see if I follow you, Steve," Charlie complained. "Not only are we dealing with an alternate reality, but that reality itself was changed by a wish made by an airhead version of Cordelia, resulting in an Angelus who's a good guy that's still alive, a Buffy who's more like the Terminator than Buffy, Willow and Xander are vampires into wearing leather except for when they're sleeping together, Giles Oz and Larry are fighting all by themselves, and this so-called Master is making people into organic soda machines?"
"Yeah, you follow me," Steve said, shooting daggers at Charlie.
"I suppose now's not a good time to ask about a raise, then?"
Steve closed his eyes, and placed his face in his hands. "Charlie," he groaned, "it's about to get better. The alternate Angel is here, and he's going to help us out. However, the Vamp Willow and Xander are here as well, and we need to capture them before they make any mischief. After that. . ."
"Section Seven goes into the alternate reality and wipes out the vampires," Charlie finished.
"The thought had crossed my mind. The hard part will be getting there."
"Which will leave me and Larry to patrol by ourselves," the African-American added with less than moderate enthusiasm.
"I am going to leave some people here, Charlie," Steve promised. "The question will be who. It all depends on who we can get to go with us."
Charlie looked to Larry. "You realize what this means, pal?"
"Yeah, Charlie," Larry said sourly. "They go wipe out the vampires in this alternate universe and next week you and I will be wearing t-shirts that say, 'My Vampire Hunting Friends Went To An Alternate Universe And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.'"
Charlie looked at Steve, and said, "You'd better make ours double X."
"I was hoping you'd take this seriously," Steve said with a frown.
"If I did, I'd need to see a shrink after what I've already seen in the last six months," Charlie quipped.
"Point," Steve was forced to say in agreement.
Axel and Angel arrived at Steve's, and when they walked in, Angel's jaw dropped at the sight of two Buffys in the living room, and they rolled their eye simultaneously.
Axel had a big smile on his face, and said, "Okay, Angel. Which one's which?"
"You didn't tell him," Steve said with a groan.
"Yeah, I know," Axel said sweetly. "Awwwww. Isn't the look on his face worth it?"
"No," everyone said.
Axel's smile vanished. "Can't I have a little fun out of this?"
"No," everyone said.
"Which world is *this* guy from?" Wish Buffy asked dreadfully.
"This one," Amy answered with disappointment. "Want to take him with?"
"NO!" Angel and Buffy shouted.
"Gee, thanks a lot, pal," the cop told Angel.
"Sorry, but friendship only goes so far," the vampire said with a smile.
"Okay, let's get this show on the road," St. Wolf said in a voice reeking of command. As the group gave him his undivided attention, Steve said, "Here's the plan. The two Buffys and I will patrol Hammersmith Park. Xander's group will patrol Weatherly, and Giles' group will handle UC Sunnydale and Crestwood campuses. Also, I've added a fourth team; Angel, you and Axel will patrol the areas around Main Street."
"What about the rest of us?" Amy asked from the corner next to the kitchen.
"The rest of you will be doing stakeouts," Steve said.
"Come again, honey?" Buffy asked in confusion. "Stakeouts?"
"Yes, Buffy, stakeouts." Steve looked each of the Slayerettes in the eye. "On the off chance that the other Willow and Xander have figured out the universal differences, I want people watching likely targets for them, whether they're alone or linked up. I've assigned people based on power levels, likelihood of appearance, as well as considering other factors."
"So who's gonna go where?" Cordelia asked.
"I've determined four likely areas," Steve said. "Robin, you'll be in the library."
"Say WHAT?!?" the fairy blurted out. "You want me to babysit the books?!?"
"Robin, the one thing that we know is the same between the two universes is that Giles is a Watcher in the library," Steve answered. With a dark smile, the demon hunter added, "Vamp Willow knows there's a Slayer in town, and she might decide to take out her Watcher. So. . ."
Robin's eyes brightened, and he completed the thought. "So, if the undead couple pays a visit to the library, imagine their surprise when they find not a librarian, but the Goodfellow."
"Exactly, old son," Steve said.
Robin thoughtfully mused, "I must be rubbing off on you, Steve."
"The next two are Willow and Xander's homes," Steve said, prompting worried looks from the two Slayerettes. "Even with the Guardians, I want to be as quiet as possible. At Willow's house will be Charlie and Larry. Larry, we'll fix you up with a water cannon and some knives, but I want you to keep your distance if possible. As strong as you are, a vampire is still stronger, and you don't have any sword experience."
"Steven, if I may?" Shaw asked. When Steve nodded, she asked, "Since Larry is a baseball player, what if he had a weapon that was based more on power than skill?"
"Let me guess, the battle-axe?"
When Shaw nodded her head, the Wanderer looked at Larry. "Well, Larry? Think you could handle something like that?"
"Yeah, I think that'd work," the jock said after thinking it over. "If I can't keep the distance, I've got some good reach."
"Okay," Steve said with a grin at Larry's understanding that the axe would be a last resort. "Shaw, go grab the gear he'll need."
Shaw walked out of the room towards the armory, and Steve turned to Joe N'Gato.
"Joe, you've seen the other Xander," he said, letting a smile creep onto his face. "So you and Randi will be at Xander's house. And since you've seen the differences, I'll assume you won't accidentally shoot the wrong one."
"Hey!" Xander snapped as the group got some laughs.
"Amy, you have the Bronze," Steve continued, looking at the witch. "You'll be by yourself, but I figure you can handle it."
"Don't butter me up, Steve," Amy said with a smile. "I'm the only witch not on patrol, so I get to babysit Sunnydale's undead smorgasbord."
"Right. Everyone will have their cell phones on and we'll keep in touch. If you spot them, call us and we'll come running."
Shaw came back into the room at that point, carrying the axe, a bandolier of knives, and a Super Soaker. A very large Super Soaker.
"Larry, the weapons are blessed," Shaw said to the jock. "And please be careful with the water gun. The contents can be somewhat volatile if they touch the wrong beings."
"Ma'am, yes ma'am," Larry said, giving Shaw a mock salute.
"Shaw, you'll be heading over to Joyce's shop to escort her here," Steve said to a surprised audience. "Since they probably don't know about Joyce in this reality, chances are nothing will go wrong."
"Until someone says, 'nothing will go wrong,'" Robin moaned. "At which point, everything does."
"Does what?" Axel asked.
"Goes wrong," the kids all said.
Steve rolled his eyes, and said, "Okay, enough joking around. Everyone gather up your gear and get ready to head out."
As the others started to move, Shaw tapped Angel on the shoulder.
"Angel, could you come with me, please? I have gear set aside for you and Detective Foley," she told him. With a glance at Axel, she said, "Detective?"
The two followed her into the training room, and Shaw pointed to a pile of clothes on the Nautilus bench.
"Angel, there is attire more appropriate to you than your current garb," Shaw said with a grin. At Axel's glower, she said, "Detective Foley, on the water cooler is a holster with a Glock 21 loaded with enchanted silver bullets, as well as extra magazines. I think you will find them more than adequate."
"Thanks kid," Axel said as he picked up the gun and sighted with it. "Nice piece. Your boss has nice toys."
Angel was hesitating to remove his shirt when Shaw showed no signs of leaving.
"Um, Shaw. . ."
"I wish to see your chest, Angel," Shaw said. "And I will not leave until I do so."
"Hyeh, hyeh, hyeh," Axel laughed. His teeth showing in a smile, he said, "Uh, sorry kid, but he's in looooooove with one of the Buffys."
"Angel, you may be able to hide it from others, but not from me," the warrior told him. "I dealt with your counterpart before, and I know how he moved. You were the Master's prisoner for two years, and as little as a week ago, you suffered torture. Even with vampiric healing, you must still be in less than peak condition."
Axel looked at Angel, who slouched in admission.
"Those bottles on the weight bench will help you," Shaw said, pointing to a trio of glass containers sitting next to the clothes. "The green fluids are healing potions. I do not think I need to tell you what the red one is. I will leave the two of you alone to get ready."
Shaw headed for the door, and Angel said, "Thanks."
"Of course," Shaw replied, heading out.
"Uh, not that I have a problem with her helping us," Axel said with a blank look on his face, "but do we really want to know where she got the vamp V-8 from?"
"Butcher, most likely," Angel sighed. He picked up one of the green bottles, and popped it open. He took a sniff, and quickly guzzled down the contents. With a sour look on his face, he said, "God, that tastes awful."
"Does it work?" Axel asked with a grin. When Angel nodded with a grimace, Axel said, "Well, I guess that just sticks with the rules, even for magic."
"What rules?" Angel asked with a puzzled look.
"That anything that's good for you has to taste like shit," Axel said with a friendly smile.
At Angel's look of disgust as he realized he had a second container to consume, Axel started laughing.
"Hyeh, hyeh, hyeh. . ."
When the door to the training room closed, Buffy looked to Steve.
"Why Shaw, honey?" the Slayer demanded.
"It was her or Brian," Steve answered, satisfied at Buffy's wince.
"What are you two talking about?" Wish Buffy asked the lovers.
"Steve assigning Shaw to watch over Mom," the Immortal said. While she may not have noticed, it wasn't lost on Steve that Buffy didn't include the word "my" before "Mom."
"What's wrong with that?" Wish Buffy asked. "I saw the girl in action. She's good with a sword. . . hell, she's *great*, with *two* swords. What's wrong with her protecting. . . your Mom?"
"Two words," Buffy said, looking at Steve rather than her double. "'Combat,' and 'fatigue.'"
"Ooohhhh," the other Slayer said, turning to the Wanderer. "Good point there, Rambo. Why her, if she's on the disabled list?"
"For several reasons, for both of you to consider," Steve said with feeling. "One, Shaw's magic is holy magic, making it more effective against vampires. Two, I checked with her when she arrived, and she told me she's got a full complement of spells at her disposal. Three, you know she can be quite 'original' with those spells. And four, like I said earlier, the chances of anything going on with Joyce are very slim, thus so are the chances of Shaw getting into a combat situation."
"I'll agree with you on the first three, honey," Buffy rebutted calmly. "But on number four, uh-uh."
"Why not?" the second Buffy asked.
"Hello? Hellmouth?" Buffy told her.
Wish Buffy cocked an eyebrow at Buffy. Buffy did the same. Both Buffys turned to look at Steve.
"Well, Steve?"
"So you have no confidence in Shaw's ability?" Steve asked his lover.
"Of course I do!" Buffy blurted. "But if she's unarmed. . ."
"A Mielikkian priest is never unarmed, Buffy," Shaw said from behind the trio. As all three jumped as she startled them, she added, "And I will be carrying some weapons."
"What kind?" Steve asked suspiciously.
"My shortsword," Shaw started off. "Two daggers, and a full arsenal of fifteen spells."
"Shaw, are you sure you can handle this?" Buffy worriedly asked. "I mean, after last month. . ."
"I believe so, Buffy," the ranger softly told her. "I would die before allowing your Mother to come to harm."
"That's not exactly reassuring," the other Buffy said somewhat tactlessly.
"How about, 'I will scatter their undead mother-wenching posteriors and other selected body parts all over the main street of Sunnydale if they so much as look at your Mother the wrong way?'" Shaw asked.
Wish Buffy cocked an eyebrow, and said, "Now THAT reassures me."
"It would," Buffy grumbled.
"I am leaving for the Gallery," Shaw said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her shades. "Oh, and Steven? You left out one critical reason for recommending me to bodyguard Joyce."
"What's that?" Steve asked suspiciously.
"The Slayer's secret weapon," she cryptically replied as she headed out the door.
"What the Hell is that?" Steve called helplessly.
"She can't mean Vampire Slayer," Buffy said with a puzzled frown. "What secret weapon is she talking about?"
"Uh oh," the other Buffy said. Seconds later, she followed up with, "OH SHIT!"
"What?" Buffy and Steve asked in alarm.
"The Slayer's secret weapon!" Wish Buffy moaned.
"WHAT?!?" Buffy and Steve asked in alarm.
"The first night I patrolled! The way the Slayer senses vampires!" Wish Buffy moaned.
"I remember," Buffy giggled. She shook her head and said, "I told Merrick, 'Who would've thought? My secret weapon. . .'"
"Is PMS," Wish Buffy finished for her. "I said the same thing."
The two Buffys looked at the door that Shaw had exited through, and then at each other.
"Steeeeeve. . ." Buffy growled.
Steve moaned, and began to rub the bridge of his nose. "I'm getting too old for this shit."
Abandoned Factory
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
"So why’d you invite us to come here?" a single vampire asked.
Xander hopped down off of a table, and said, "Well, dead soul man, it’s like this. My girl and I, we lived here our entire lives. We had the run of the town, we had humans running in fear, and it was fun."
"I wonder what the person *he* ate was smoking," one vampire whispered to another.
"Something fun," Willow said, just as she grabbed the vamp’s hand, breaking three fingers. "It’s not polite to interrupt."
As the vampire sobbed in pain, Willow sauntered over to Xander, nuzzling his neck.
"Later, Will," Xander said reluctantly. "Mayhem now, fun later."
Willow pushed her lower lip into a pout, so Xander decided to take care of business that much quicker.
"Okay, the reason we invited you here," Xander said with a smile, "is this. We’ve got some places that need raiding. Consider it a preemptive strike towards making Sunnydale everything it’s capable of being. I’ll give you a few addresses, and you’ll get some free snacks."
"Aren’t you forgetting something?" a female vampire snapped. "Something called the SLAYER?!?"
Willow flipped her head to look at the woman, her shorter red hair fanning out. "I saw the Slayer last night."
"And you’re still alive?" the woman said in disbelief.
"One of us is," Willow said, her meaning unmistakable. Licking her lips, she looked at Xander. "I want to play with her."
"Willow, I don’t like sharing," Xander teased his girlfriend.
"Y-y-y-you killed the Slayer?!?" another vampire demanded.
Willow glanced at him, and looked back at Xander. "Bored now."
Xander decided to get moving. "Okay, here’s some addresses," he said, passing out some papers. "Okay, first off. No Slayer means a very lonely Watcher. So, I figure, we did the hard part, you can mop up. The other addresses are homes. Go in, eat the folks, help yourselves to the silver, raid the fridge, whatever floats your boat."
"Oh, right," the female snapped out loud. "Personal homes? Invitations?"
"You’re invited," Xander and Willow said together as they started to embrace.
"What?"
"What’s the exception to the invitation rule?" Xander asked impatiently.
"Vampires who lived in the homes," a male answered.
"Exactly, Einstein," Xander concluded dryly. "Parental units aren’t worth our time."
The vampires all looked at each other, and quickly took off, heading into what they thought to be a now-Slayerless Sunnydale.
Willow rubbed Xander’s shoulders, and said, "Fun now?"
"Will, we talked about this," Xander said. "We get some dinner, and then we have fun."
"Buuuuut," Willow said, grabbing his crotch as she trailed off.
Xander gulped, knowing that Willow could excite him like no other. He managed to maintain his control, but only by a little.
"Will, later," he finally said.
"I want to have fun," Willow pleaded, shifting to her game face.
<Aw, damn,> Xander thought. She was so CUTE like that. <No. . .>
"Willow, I promise. When we get done looking around tonight, we’ll have some fun. And I do mean *fun*."
"Promises, promises."
Sunnydale High Library
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December
1998
Two vampires burst into the library, arrogance in their steps as well as their faces. But, once they saw the sight that greeted them upon their arrival, their confidence vanished in mere ticks of the clock.
Instead of a middle-aged Watcher, the vampires saw a young man reading a book. The thing that was completely out of the ordinary was that he was sitting cross-legged.
In mid-air.
He looked up from his reading, and said, "Well. It’s about time *someone* showed up."
Before the vampires could advance, Robin snapped his fingers, and the three beings disappeared.
The trio reappeared six thousand feet directly above the parking lot of Sunnydale High School, and Robin smiled at the completely flummoxed vampires.
"Let me guess," the fairy said. He took out a nail file and began to work on his nails. "You were expecting a librarian, right?"
The vampires nodded in fright.
"Well, what you got was one *very* bored sprite. Name’s Goodfellow, by the way. Robin Goodfellow," the fairy said with a completely friendly tone. "Anyhoo, here’s the situation as I see it; a couple of vampires from an alternate reality think they’re going to make a mess of my town. Now, it seems to me that you two kids just got caught in the middle, so to speak. So, I figure that if you tell me what I want to know, I’ll let you down easy."
The vampires gulped, and one said, "Weatherly Park. That’s where they said they’d be."
"Hmmmmm. . ." Robin said to himself. He put away the file, and closed his book. "Okay, you’re telling me the truth. But, what do I do with you?"
"Wait a minute!" the first vampire screamed. "You said you’d let us down easy!"
"Uh, dude," the other vampire said in wonder, looking downward. "How’re you doing this?"
"Doing what?" Robin innocently asked.
"Dude, you’re defying the law of gravity!"
"Hmmm, you’re right," Robin said, looking at the ground. "Funny thing, though? I never studied law."
As soon as he said that, and the vampires looked at him in confusion over his statement, the spell released the vampires from its grasp.
They suddenly started falling.
"AAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh---*"
Robin just smiled, and said, "Chuck Jones, you always knew how to inspire me."
Robin began to snap his fingers, but stopped in mid-snap. He reached into his wallet, and began looking through it. After nearly five minutes of searching, he pulled out a folded piece of crackling, yellowed paper. He blew off an impressive amount of dust, and unfolded the sheet. He peered at the Old English script.
Robin stared at the paper, and then folded it and tenderly placed it back in his wallet.
"Hmmm. I almost forgot about that," Robin muttered to himself. He looked downwards, towards the ground, and said, "Oops. Sorry, guys."
Robin snapped his fingers and disappeared from the night sky.
Rosenberg Residence
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
"There they are," Charlie whispered to Larry. "Let’s take ‘em."
Charlie and Larry quickly got out of Charlie’s Ford Taurus, and the doors closing startled the three vampires heading towards Willow’s house. When they shuffled nervously, Charlie grinned evilly at them.
"Who are you?" the lone female demanded.
"The name’s Charlie," Charlie said with that evil sneer.
The vampires began to look nervous; Charlie’s reputation as the nastiest vampire on the Hellmouth since Angelus was well known. The fact that he’d managed to survive this long in the Wanderer’s and Slayer’s hometown didn’t go unnoticed.
"What do you want, Charlie?" the female asked, a note of respect in her voice.
"Well, you see," the large man began, "I got wind that the vampire who lived here is thinking he’s just gonna walk into my town and take over. And I just can’t let that happen."
Charlie pulled out a .45 and quickly pulled the trigger twice. Two vamps shredded into dust while Larry drenched the last one.
The shrieks that came from the vampire as he fell to the ground seemed louder than the gunshots. Larry and Charlie watched in horrified fascination as the vampire’s shirt and jeans melted away as much as his face did. After ten seconds or so, Charlie put the vampire out of its misery.
Charlie and Larry looked at the dripping barrel of the Super Soaker, and saw drops sizzling the ground where they impacted.
Charlie slowly said, "I can smell a little bit of magic on the gun."
"Well, Shaw blesses stuff," Larry said with a ginger shrug. "Maybe she made this holy water."
"What? Six hundred proof?" Charlie said with a shiver.
Larry just shrugged.
Harris Residence
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
Joe and Randi watched as a pair of vampires went against normal vamp tactics, actually trying to use stealth by approaching the Harris residence through the back yard.
Joe lined up a shot with his silenced Glock 19, and prepared to pull the trigger. . . and Randi’s cell phone went off, the tone sounding like a fire alarm in the quiet Sunnydale night.
Joe cursed as the vampire trained their sights on their hiding place, and quickly decided to go after more available prey. Joe and Randi quickly drew the swords they were carrying and prepared to meet the charge.
Randi said, "I’ve got this, Joe."
Joe started to protest, but Randi quickly threw her duster off, and Joe was stunned into inaction when he saw that Randi had somehow appropriated a suit of Grail battle armor, and that the young Immortal had set the color setting on the white shade intended for arctic combat, a color totally inappropriate to this situation.
The vampires stopped about ten feet in front of Randi, trying to make sense of the sight of an armor-clad, sword-wielding young woman.
"Who are you?" the taller demon asked cautiously.
"Bon jour, gentlemen," Randi said, using what was actually a fair approximation of a French accent. "I am sorry, but this residence is under protection. HIS protection."
Being typical Sunnydale vampires, they bought the act. "What protection, Frenchy?"
Letting her expression become grim, she said, "God’s."
As she said it, she flipped the blade of her sword over to show the five crosses etched into the blade of the Sword of St. Catherine. The vampires could sense the magical power in the Sword, as well as the armor she wore.
"The Slayer’s one thing," the short vampire said, shaking his head. "A French angel’s another. No thanks."
"French. . . oh shit!" the first vampire said in a high-octave voice.
"What?" his partner asked.
"A French angel. That’s. . . that’s. . ."
"Who?"
Randi made a suggestion. "You may call me. . . Joan."
Now both vampires were shaking in their boots.
"Uh, I’m out of here," the second vampire said. He started running.
"I do not think so," Randi said with her fake accent. She stretched out an arm, and thought, <Take the cue, Joe.>
The first vampire watched as his partner soundlessly vanished in a burst of ash, and turned his eyes back to the young woman.
"W-w-will you at least make it quick?" the terrified vampire begged piteously.
"Oui, vampire," Randi said, relieved that her improvised plan had worked. "Close your eyes, and I will make it quick and painless."
The vampire closed his eyes, and Randi quickly swung her sword. The divine blade cleaved through the demon’s neck, and he burst into dust.
With a smirk, and in the same French accent, Randi said, "Adios, idiot."
The Immortal sheathed her sword, and turned to see Joe walking up with her coat on his arm. She took the coat, and slid it back on while waiting for him to say something.
"Well played, Miss Jessup," the Knight said, his lips forming a thin smile.
"Thanks, Joe. Figured it’d save us the trouble of making a lot of noise," Randi explained. Suddenly, her phone went off again. With a sigh, she clicked the button. "Thanks for ruining our hiding space. Now talk to me."
"Weatherly Park," came Robin’s voice. "And blame your Teach. His rotten timing is contagious."
Randi laughed as the phone went dead. Amy had told her what her teacher’s call last night had interrupted. . . make the prevented. And the witch was still extremely frustrated about it, to put is mildly.
"Well?" Joe asked, breaking her thoughts.
"Weatherly. Let’s roll."
As the pair started to head towards Joe’s hidden Buick Century, a bright flash of light caught their attention. Reacting instantly, Randi and Joe ran towards the front yard of Xander’s home.
When they got there, they saw three sets of burning clothes and piles of dust on the front sidewalk of the Harris residence. Randi looked around, and upon seeing nothing, sheathed her weapon once again.
"This is strange," Joe said as he examined the clothing. "I’ve never heard vampires spontaneously combusting."
"Probably protection spells, Joe," Randi offered. With a glance at the front door, she added, "Willow and Amy probably have all kinds of witch stuff on the house."
"That is my point, Randi. These vampires were on the sidewalk."
A scraping sound caught Randi’s ears, and she quickly looked straight at the source of the sound. Walking around the corner was a young woman, about Randi’s age, with her blonde hair cut in a short, yet stylish bob.
She was lugging a backpack, and wearing a blue jean vest and Levi’s, and well-worn tennis shoes. She turned down the block and headed in the Slayerettes’ direction.
Joe started to reach for his sidearm, but Randi whispered, "Friend."
N’Gato had never seen the young woman before, but nonetheless obeyed Randi’s unspoken instructions, and slowly withdrew his hand.
Randi walked over to meet the woman, who stopped walking but relaxed at the sight of the Immortal.
"Randi?" the girl asked hesitantly.
"Hi, Charlie," Randi greeted her warmly. "How’s it hanging?"
"Oh, please. Homework, what else?" the woman named Charlie snorted in disgust, speaking with a Midwestern accent. "I’m on my way back from the town library."
She peered at the burning clothes, and asked, "Barbeque?"
"I wish," Randi snapped. <Think quickly, Jessup.> "Joe and I found a couple kids torching some old clothes so we chased them off."
"Oh," Charlie said quietly, peeking over Randi’s shoulder. "Beau?"
"No!" Randi snapped, too quickly. With a sigh, she said, "You know Kendra, right? She was hurt a few months ago, and Joe’s her physical therapist. Since Kendra and I had a cram session tonight, Joe offered to walk me back to Steve’s. Now, Kendra and Joe, they’re an item, but they haven’t figured it out yet."
"Ohhhh. Too bad," the other woman grinned.
"Hey, I’ve found a guy," Randi blushed. When Charlie’s eyes widened with interest, she said, "Thursday, I’ll tell you everything while we cram for Professor Martinez’s History test."
Charlie’s grin widened. "You know I’m going to hold you to that, girl," she said impishly. "See you Thursday."
Randi smiled back and said, "You got it. ‘Night, Charlie."
The young student started walking again. When she rounded the corner, Randi slowly walked back over to her partner, who’d finally finished stomping out the fire.
"Who was that?" the Knight of the Grail asked.
"A college friend," Randi said gratefully. "Charlene McGee. We both have an interest in really old people."
Joe stiffened. "Immortal?" he quietly asked.
"History class," Randi said, laughing at Joe N’Gato’s frustration. "Joe, it might not seem like it in this town, but there *are* some nice, normal people out there."
"Yes, well, let’s get going," Joe said.
The two warriors took off into the night.
Charlene McGee watched from the bushes, keeping an eye on her classmate and her companion as they headed off. Charlene sat there, chewing her bottom lip for several seconds.
Thinking furiously, the UC Sunnydale freshman considered her impromptu conversation with Randi.
<They’re still in range,> she thought to herself. <Should I. . .>
It was at that second that Randi and Joe walked out of her line of sight.
<Damn. Stupid, crappy low-level. . . well, I really didn’t want to anyway,> Charlene mused. After taking a long look at the sight where the three vampires had attacked her, she decided to let Randi speak about the matter herself if she so decided.
With a shrug, she turned and started walking back towards her dormitory.
<Torching old clothes my ass.>
Summers Art Gallery
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
Shaw watched half-interestedly as Joyce went through the process of locking up her store for the evening. Most of her attention was on the surrounding area, scanning back and forth for any sign of danger, as was Sherlock, Joyce’s Guardian.
"I’m all set," Joyce announced as she locked the last bolt into place. When Shaw didn’t respond, she looked at the ranger. "Shaw?"
Shaw softly said, "Get to your vehicle, Joyce Summers."
Joyce was rightfully concerned about Shaw’s sentence, but began to move towards her Jeep Cherokee, hitting the remote door opener as she did so. As she began to open the driver’s side door, a trio of teenaged vampires started charging at them from about fifty yards away.
"Shaw!" Joyce shouted out of reflex.
//Get in the truck, Joyce,// Sherlock said as he started to change form.
But, Shaw had already finished a quick prayer, and stretched out her left hand. A blast of pure white light enveloped the hand, and a burst of what appeared to be rays of sunlight shot out at the lead vampire, striking him in the chest. He staggered, and began screaming as he caught on fire, as a vampire did when exposed to direct sunlight.
The other two vampires hesitated, and it was enough time for Sherlock, now in dire wolf form, to close the distance between them. Shaw quickly chanted another prayer, and four gallons of water appeared directly over the heads of the three vampires and the Guardian Spirit. The water dropped onto all four beings, drenching them and putting out the fire created by Shaw’s initial spell.
//Hey!// Sherlock snapped, but only Joyce heard his protest.
<What is THAT spell good for?> Joyce asked herself.
One of the vampires said, "You’ll pay for that, witch."
With a sigh, Shaw said, "You blooddrinkers never learn."
Grasping her holy symbol, Shaw called out, "In the name of Mielikki, Lady of the Forest, I bless this water."
The three vampires’ eyes all went wide, and they started screaming as the water turned into holy water, which started to steam in places where it contacted vampiric flesh. Joyce watched in shocked silence as Shaw’s simple yet frighteningly simple stratagem made short work of the demons.
When Joyce heard a door slam, her attention was quickly brought back to the present. She looked at Sherlock, and said, "Oh, no, you don’t."
//But. . .//
"In the back," she ordered.
After putting the disgusted retriever in the back of the Cherokee, she opened the driver’s side door and climbed into the Jeep.
She started up the SUV, and grabbed the gearshift to send the vehicle into motion. She looked over at Shaw to ask how she was, but was surprised at what she saw.
Shaw had her eyes closed, and she was trembling. She had her fists clenched tight, and they were shaking as Shaw breathed in and out of her nose, trying to regain control of her breathing.
"Shaw, what’s wrong?" Joyce asked with growing alarm.
Shaw silently shook her head, but Joyce could see tears leaking out of her closed eyes.
Joyce gently squeezed Shaw’s arm, and asked, "Shaw, what is it?" <Steve had no right sending her out here, not in this condition. When I get my hands on him. . .> "Shaw, why did Steve send you here?"
"No one else," the half-elf mumbled, sounding fatigued as the adrenaline rush from the short fight faded. With an ironic chuckle, she said, "They thought the chances of this happening were slim."
When Shaw still refused to open her eyes, Joyce thought, <They must be spread thin, if they’d send her out. Okay, Steve. I apologize in advance.>
Joyce shifted the Jeep into drive, but before going, she looked at the tired young woman sitting next to her, and said, as her maternal instincts started to assert themselves, "Are you going to be all right, honey?"
Shaw nodded wearily, her eyes still closed. "Biology is not my ally at the moment, Joyce Summers."
"Biology? Are you talking about something to do with being an elf?" the elder Summers asked in confusion.
"No," Shaw said with a weak smile. "Female."
Shaw scrunched downward in an attempt to make herself more comfortable. Joyce watched her for several seconds, as the meaning of Shaw’s answer sank in. Suddenly, for some reason, she decided she *would* have a word with Steve St. Wolf.
<It has to be his fault. Somehow,> she thought.
//No kidding,// Sherlock thought. //Let me near him so I can shake this water off onto him.//
"Shut up, Sherlock," Joyce moaned as the Jeep lurched into motion.
Weatherly Park
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
Xander and Willow walked along the trail, looking for someone to eat before returning to the factory. As they walked hand in hand, Willow was pouting.
"Xander, this world’s no fun," she said for perhaps the tenth time in the last two hours. "I want a puppy. And. . . I want to play."
"We will," Xander said. Despite her complaints, he just couldn’t get angry at his little demon. "Trust me, we’ll make up for lost time."
"Here," Willow said quickly. She turned around, stepped in front of him, and tried to take his jacket off. "I don’t want to wait."
Xander sighed, and said, "In the middle of the park? In December?"
"We’ll keep each other warm," Willow said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Will, we’re vampires. We don’t have body heat."
"I mean this way." Willow wrapped her arms around Xander’s neck, and mashed his lips with a passionate kiss, sliding her tongue in between his fangs.
Xander quickly returned her passion with interest. That is, until a voice startled them out of their passionate bliss.
"Ewwwwwwww!"
Both vampires jumped, turning to face Cordelia and Oz. As the appearance of a woman they’d personally killed stunned them into inaction, the two Slayerettes looked at each other.
"And I thought Amy and Willow seeing me and Xander in bed was bad," Cordelia complained. "This Xander can’t keep it in his pants, and this Willow can’t keep it in. . ."
"Whatever it is," Oz finished with a cocked eyebrow.
Cordelia looked at him, and said, "Oz, *please* don’t get any ideas."
She looked back to the two vampires, and said, "Well, Tweetle Dweeb and Tweetle Dweebette, are you gonna come nice and quiet, or do we have to knock you senseless? Not that it’ll take *that* long."
"I-I-I killed you!" Xander snapped, finally getting over his shock.
Cordelia fed him an evil Amazon grin, and said, "Like Shaw Hunter says, ‘Different world, different rules.’"
"Yeah, right."
Xander vamped out, and rushed Cordelia. Oz quickly stepped to his left and singled out Willow, who was now sporting her game face as well.
"You’re a white hat," Willow sneered. "I’ll make you my puppy."
"Okay," Oz said. Then he went through the change into werewolf form.
Willow, seeing the change Oz went through, reacted somewhat strangely. She looked up, and smiled, saying, "Thank you!"
She started to move forward, but stopped as she realized exactly *Who* she’d thanked.
"I’ve gone without torturing someone too long," she lamented before charging Oz.
Over to the right, Xander was throwing a punch at Cordelia. She ducked the punch, and threw a wicked crescent kick to the stomach that doubled the vampire over.
"THAT’S for keeping me up late!" the Amazon snapped. She quickly followed her kick with a backhand punch to Xander’s jaw. "THAT’S for being a lame ass copy of my boyfriend!"
She then grabbed Xander by the collar of his t-shirt, and drew back her fist. As she reared back, she exclaimed, "And (punch) THAT’S (punch) for (punch) ruining (punch) my (massive uppercut to the jaw) WEEKEND!!"
The last punch sent Xander flying more than a few feet. Over at the other fight, Willow tried to connect with a few kicks, but Oz used his lupine speed to good advantage. He lashed out with one furred hand, and his claws ripped the sleeve on Willow’s leather corset, ripping the fabric and drawing thin lines of blood.
"Owwww!" she hollered, fully realizing that she and Xander just might be in over their heads.
She ran over to the shambling Xander. "Xander, look!"
He stared at Oz, blinking to clear his vision. Once he saw that he was not hallucinating, he said, "Oh, Satan it’s a sasquatch!"
Watching Oz and Cordelia advance, Xander quickly rethought their priorities. "We’re booking, Willow," he said.
Taking Willow’s arm, the two vampires ran back the way they’d come from in the first place. Cordelia quickly pulled out her cell phone, and dialed Steve’s number.
As soon as Steve picked up, Cordy said, "Weatherly. We got ‘em, on the run."
"On the way, thanks to Robin," St. Wolf said before hanging up.
Cordelia put the phone away, and looked at Oz, who was still in wolf form.
"What do you think, Oz?" the dark-haired beauty asked. "Let them be surprised, or tell them what’s coming their way?"
Oz just reared back his head and let out a long, haunting howl. Once he finished, he quickly shifted back to his human appearance.
"What was that for?" Cordelia asked with a look of sickness.
Oz shrugged. "Why should we use all the minutes on our phones?"
That made the Amazon smile. "Okay, but let’s tail them. If we’re lucky, we’ll get to see the looks on Willow and Xander’s faces."
"Which ones?" Oz asked.
"Does it matter?" Cordelia asked back, her grin growing malicious.
The cheerleader and guitarist took off deeper into the park.
Xander stopped when a howl erupted through the night. He looked over at Willow, and said, "Let me guess; Oz is serenading you my moonlight?"
Willow didn’t deign to answer him, concentrating on the sound and pitch of the howl. "Xander, that’s a hunting call. Oz is telling us they found us."
"Us?" Xander asked with a bit of confusion.
"Us," Willow emphasized. "The other us’es."
"Oh, the *other* us’es," Xander said in understanding. He and Willow stared at each other for a few seconds. With a short sigh, the young man said, "Now I know how Buffy feels."
As Xander and Willow started forward again, they heard the sounds of approaching footsteps, one set being made by platform boots.
Quickly figuring out who was approaching, Xander and Willow took up defensive fighting postures and waited for their doubles.
Willow and Xander ran, both continuously sending glances over their shoulders for pursuit from the strange duo who’d thrown them around like undead rag dolls. They slowed their pace when it finally dawned on them that their pursuit was lackluster at best.
"Slow down, Will," Xander ordered as the lovers came to a halt.
Willow looked at Xander, and asked, "Xander, what’s going on?"
"How the Hell should I know?" Xander snapped in frustration. "I don’t believe this! A girl I know we killed, comes back from the dead and thinks she’s Wonder Woman, and the skinny, red-headed white hat turns out to be a sasquatch!"
"What’s a sasquatch?" Willow asked curiously.
"Bigfoot," Xander answered.
Willow and Xander started, and stared at each other.
"Uh, Will?"
"Yeah, Xander?" Willow’s voice came back from several yards away.
Very slowly, and very fearfully, the vampires turned around, and looked at themselves.
"Xander, do you see what I see?" Vamp Willow asked, completely confused.
"I’m starting to feel like I’m in a sick and twisted episode of ‘Night Gallery,’" Vamp Xander said, feeling queasy while he rubbed his eyes.
"Hey," Xander said with a smile directed at Vamp Xander, "it’s just the Hellmouth’s way of pulling the old evil twin gag. Or in your case, the good twin gag."
"Xander, look at me," Vamp Willow said as she took in Willow’s white sweater, worn by the Slayerette to ward off the chill. "I’m all. . . white and fuzzy."
"Like your look’s any better," Willow shot back.
"Hey, it’s not the wrapping," Vamp Xander said, caressing Willow’s behind. "It’s what’s inside the package. And there’s only one Willow."
"I don’t know," Vamp Willow said, licking her lips in a suggestive manner. "I kinda like the idea of two of us."
Willow looked sick at Vamp Willow’s suggestion, and said, "Over my dead body."
Willow started to cast a spell, but Xander stopped her by taking her hand. When she looked at him, he said, "Willow. . ."
"What?" Willows said in perfect unison.
Both Xanders paused, but then Xander the living said, "I think this situation calls for a. . . personal solution."
Willow gave Xander a grin truly worthy of her vampire double.
"Gladly."
Weatherly Park
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
Vamp Xander stared at the look on Willow’s face for a second, and then broke into laughter.
"Oh, nice try," he chuckled, tears coming out of his eyes. "First, I see the girl we killed, and a white hat who thinks he’s Bigfoot, and now you two? Oh, come on!"
"That girl happens to be my girlfriend, Alexander Lavelle Harris," Xander said grimly.
"And Oz is MY boyfriend," Willow snapped.
Now, Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander were staring at Xander and Willow in disbelief, both vampires sputtering at the idea that Willow and Xander could possibly be with anyone else.
"You know, Will," Xander said with a grin, "I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be at a loss for a comeback."
"And us as vampires," Willow added with a wrinkled nose. "This is not good. It’s. . . really kind of pathetic. And dating? Each other?"
Vamp Xander said, "How can you two be dating anyone else? You should be with each other."
"We’re very happy with our girlfriends," Xander protested.
"Xander!" Willow bleated in disbelief.
"Sorry Will," Xander quickly apologized. To the vampires, he asked, "Are YOU happy?"
"How can Willow be happy without her Xander?" Vamp Xander asked as if the Slayerettes were stupid.
Vamp Willow wrapped an arm around Xander’s waist and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Willow needs her Xander."
Willow and Xander looked at each other with cocked eyebrows.
"Are we really that self-involved?" Xander asked the witch.
Willow asked him, "And third person?"
"This is why I’m glad we’re vampires now, sweetie," Vamp Xander told Vamp Willow. "It’s because we’re not these whiny, worthless teenagers anymore."
Willow and Xander snapped their gazes to the vampire, who just rolled his eyes.
"Oh, look, Will. I got a reaction," Vamp Xander said with a vampy grin. He said, "Next thing you know, he’ll be telling us he’s not a virgin."
"February 28, 1998," Xander announced. "There’s just this thing about Amazons. . ."
Seeing the truth in his eyes, Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander went blank with shock.
"Ha! Got ‘em twice!" Xander said, showing teeth as he flashed a smile at Willow.
"Let’s just get this over with," Willow muttered dryly.
Vamp Xander recovered, and laughed. "You two against us? Oh, right," he derisively said. He smiled, and said, "Okay then. In the words of the Great One: ‘Just BRING it!’"
Before anyone could move, the male vampire held up a hand and said, "No, wait. That’s not the right one for you two. Let’s try this one." Vamp Xander took up a silly boxing stance, bouncing up and down, and in the voice of the Cowardly Lion, shouted, "Put ‘em uuuuuup! Put ‘em uuuuuup!"
When Xander and Willow began to look mad, Vamp Xander laughed at his living counterpart. "I can’t believe I used to be just like you," he snarled in disgust.
Xander promptly leaped up and nailed Vamp Xander in the jaw with a wicked crescent kick that sent him flying back three feet. As he landed, Vamp Willow was in shock.
She softly said, "Xander, hon, I don’t remember you being like that."
Vamp Xander sat up, his anger forcing his vampiric face to take dominance. "Shut up and take him, Will!"
Xander looked at Willow, and said, "Willow, if I’m ever bossing you around like that, hit me."
"If I ever take you bossing me around like that, hit me first," Willow returned.
"Okay, evil us’es," Xander said as he cracked his knuckles. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."
"Hmmm," Vamp Willow said, a look of speculation on her face. "I’ve never done a foursome before." She looked at her Xander. "Is it cheating on each other if we’re still sleeping with ourselves?"
"Ewwwww!" Willow said out loud.
"Don’t knock ‘til you’ve tried it, Willow," Vamp Willow leered at Willow.
After they both cringed, Willow told Xander, "Okay, that’s it. Xander, you stick with the dipstick, I’m taking nympho me." She stopped as her own words sank in, and she moaned. "I can’t believe I said that!"
As the two Willows circled, the vampire said, "You and me?" She looked Willow up and down. "Mmmmm. This has possibilities."
Willow quickly threw a punch into her double’s face, sending her flying back two feet before she fell on her leather-clad butt.
As Vamp Xander stood up, he hissed at Xander in an attempt to intimidate him. However, it failed dramatically.
Xander stopped short and laughed. "That’s it? ‘Grr?’ THAT’S the best you can do?" he asked. The warrior let out a disappointed sigh, and said, "Man, if this is what I’m like as a vampire, no wonder Kendra kicked your ass."
"At least I’m not sleeping with an airhead prom queen piece of ass," Vamp Xander retorted with a snap. "At least *I* have my standards!"
Xander’s face darkened, and he threw a snap kick to Vamp Xander’s jaw. As Vamp Xander’s head snapped back and recoiled, Xander followed up with two powerful roundhouses, and finished off the flurry by doing a standing reverse somersault that culminated with a kick that connected with Vamp Xander’s jaw once again.
As Vamp Xander got knocked to the ground once more, Xander reached under his coat and withdrew a new toy he desperately wanted to try out.
When Vamp Xander’s eyes bugged out in fear, Xander shouted, "Flame on!"
The wavy, titanium blade ignited with reddish shaded faerie fire.
"We’re out of here," Vamp Xander snapped. He started to run, but stopped when he saw Vamp Willow getting blasted by a force blast cast by the other Willow. "WILLOW!!"
Vamp Xander quickly ran over and grabbed Vamp Willow’s hand, and the two hurtled into the bushes together.
Xander waited a second to recover from the fear he’d heard in his twin’s voice, and doused the flame with a silent mental command before hiding the flamberge. He walked over to Willow and asked, "You hear?"
"Yeah," the witch answered, just as surprised as Xander. "They got it bad."
"Don’t get any ideas, you two," Cordy snapped as she and Oz stepped out of the darkness. "Not bad, but they’re getting away."
"You could’ve helped, you know," Xander countered.
"You did okay by yourselves," Cordelia grinned. She walked over and kissed Xander on the cheek. "And that’s for kicking your dumb ass for the ‘piece of ass’ remark. You deserved it."
"Yeah, I know," Xander said before he heard Willow and Cordelia laughing at him. "Hey!"
"Enough, you two," Willow said, waving her head in the direction the vampires were fleeing in. "We gotta catch those two."
As the foursome started to head in that direction, Oz looked at Xander and neutrally asked, "Flame on?"
"Okay, I ripped off the Human Torch," Xander admitted. He shrugged, and told Oz, "It was the best I could come up with on short notice. By the way, who won the duel of the one-liners?"
"Hmmm," Oz said. He shrugged and told Xander, "You got more off, but yours were better quality. So I’d say you’re ahead on points."
"Thanks, pal," Xander said in appreciation of Oz’s honesty. Then, he realized he’d been had. "Hey!"
Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander ran through the woods, feeling the aches starting to take their toll on them. As the fled, they tried to make sense of what had happened to them in the last twenty minutes.
"Xander, what’s going on?" Vamp Willow asked, a nasty bruise forming on her chin.
"How the Hell should I know?" Vamp Xander snapped, not out of anger but concern. "Cordelia back from the dead, Oz is Bigfoot, you and me still alive. . . what else can go wrong?"
It was at that exact moment, when the nearest exit from the park came into view, that Steve and Buffy stepped into view, Swords drawn.
Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander stopped dead, trying to make sense of the sight before them.
Vamp Xander turned to Vamp Willow, and said, "I thought you killed her."
"I did," Vamp Willow said with wide, yellow eyes. Then, she said in a louder voice, "Didn’t I kill you?"
"Yep," came the sharp, volatile answer.
Vamp Xander moaned, and said, "Okay, when they said a new Slayer got called when the old one died, I was under the impression that it’d be a totally different person."
"Tell me about it," a voice identical to Buffy’s called out. At that time, Wish Buffy stepped out from behind Steve. "Remember me?"
At this moment, Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow realized, perhaps truly realized, that. . .
"We’re in deep kimchee," Vamp Xander said. "I’ve heard of ‘double your pleasure, double your fun,’ but this is too much."
The vampire lovers turned tail and headed deeper into the park.
Wish Buffy started to give chase, but Steve grabbed her by the arm to prevent her pursuit.
"What are you doing, Rambo?" the Slayer protested. "They’re getting away!"
"No, they aren’t," the Immortal said, contradicting her opinion. "We’ve got every exit covered, and we’re going to close the noose around them."
Wish Buffy thought about it, and looked at Buffy. "Is he always right?"
"Not always, but I keep him in line," Buffy smiled. "Keeps his ego from getting too big."
"Let’s go," Steve said sharply, leading the two Slayers after the vampires.
"Come on, Will. We’ll get out this way," Vamp Xander ordered his lover.
The vampires from another reality had decided to go back towards an entrance farther away, hoping that the vampire hunters wouldn’t have that entrance covered.
They did.
When they came into the open, they were confronted with Angel and Axel Foley. The teenagers stopped, and tried to figure out what course of action to take.
"Oh, shit. This is bad," Vamp Xander said upon seeing these two. "What are YOU two doing here?!?"
"Oh, that. Well, seems Angel here really wanted a rematch with you," Axel said with a smile. "We got him all nice and healed up, and we gave him a little bit of an edge."
"And what’s that?" Vamp Xander mockingly asked.
Angel took out a cigarette, and lit it up. He took a couple puffs, and gave Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow a look that sent cold shivers through them.
"It’s like this," Angel said in a tone of voice not heard for over a century. "Seems the white hats in this universe have this neat little motto; ‘stake first, answers aren’t that important. So, since I’d been your little whipping boy for two years, I wasn’t much use to them in my condition."
"You’re *my* puppy," Vamp Willow protested despite her fear. "Mine."
"Not anymore, Red," Angel said, allowing the demon inside of him to show their mutual anger. "You see, they decided to help me be my old self again. New threads, a couple healing potions. . ."
Vamp Xander snorted. "So you’re a healthy whipping boy."
". . .and a spell to remove curses," Angel added, lying through his teeth.
Vamp Xander started to pop off another one-liner, but both he and Vamp Willow froze as the little white lie registered in their minds.
"Remove a curse," Vamp Willow squeaked. She knew how Angel’d regained his soul, so she was convinced. And shaking in her platform boots.
So was Vamp Xander. "You mean. . . no more soul?"
"What can I say?" Angel said ironically. His eyes brightened, as if he’d received an epiphany. He grinned, and said, "Oh, I know. How about, ‘payback’s a bitch.’"
He looked at the shaking Vamp Willow.
"Hello, Payback."
Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow took off like frightened rabbits back into the park. Angel and Axel watched them disappear, waited for a few moments, and then burst out into laughter.
"Oh man. Those kids must be shitting their pants," Axel laughed.
Angel shook his head. "They aren’t."
Axel fought for self-control, and said, "Dude, you put the fear of God. . . well, okay, the fear of Angel into them. They have to be needing a change of underwear right now."
"Vampires don’t eat," Angel said. "We drink blood."
Axel stopped laughing, and cringed at that image. "Man, that’s sick."
"Hey, it’s your mind," Angel said with a triumphant smirk. "Come on, let’s go."
Axel smiled, and said, "Hey, nice one, man. Good job acting with the anger."
"Who's acting?" Angel replied.
Axel just nodded, knowing not to go in that direction.
"There they are!" the alternate Buffy shouted.
Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow turned, and saw the two Slayers and the Wanderer coming in their direction. Panicking, they just ran away, not giving any thought to complicated matters such as direction.
Wish Buffy took off after them over Steve and Buffy’s protests.
As they took off after the other-dimensional Slayer, Steve was silently cursing the direction this weekend was taking.
Buffy, on the other hand, was cursing her double.
And it was anything but silent.
Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow were beginning to grow very desperate as they tried to figure out a way to escape the army now chasing them. Hitting on an idea, Vamp Xander took Vamp Willow’s hand and led her in the direction of the Willow and Xander native to this Sunnydale.
With a glance over his shoulder, he caught a glimpse of one of the twin Slayers still in hot pursuit. He increased the pace, and rounded a bend.
He heard his voice come into range, and he smiled.
"It always works in the movies," he said to himself.
Vamp Willow opened her mouth to inquire as to what he meant, but Vamp Xander wrapped his arms around her and took both of them into a headlong dive into the bushes. Holding his hand over Vamp Willow’s mouth, he listened. A few seconds later, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ran by at a full tilt. Ten seconds after that, Steve St. Wolf and Buffy the Vampire Slayer ran by at a full tilt, in pursuit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer running at a full tilt.
Vamp Xander let out a sigh of relief, and whispered, "Quietly, hon. We gotta get out of here, okay?"
Vamp Willow nodded, and Vamp Xander took his hand away. The two vampires stood up, looked in the direction of where the trio chasing them had gone, and headed back towards the exit.
Wish Buffy came out near a playground, and saw Willow and Xander looking around, searching for something. Willow had her hands up at her temples, concentrating.
Buffy didn’t break her charge, continuing at full speed. Having gone into Slayer mode, she failed to notice that this Willow and Xander had completely different wardrobes.
Buffy and Steve burst onto the scene, and quickly realized the other Slayer’s mistake.
Buffy screamed to her friend at the top of her lungs. "WILLOW!!!"
Willow’s eyes snapped open, and she saw the other Buffy rearing back with a stake as she charged Xander and herself.
Willow quickly chanted something in Celtic, and stretched out her hands. A brief burst of flame shot out, extending twelve feet out from the auburn-haired teenager.
Upon seeing the rolling fire coming at her, Wish Buffy slid to the ground, skidding to a halt less than a yard from the fire spell’s terminating point.
Willow ended the spell, and coldly asked, "Ever see a vampire do THAT?"
"Uh, no," the shaking Wish Buffy babbled out.
Boring a gaze into Wish Buffy’s eyes, Willow snapped, "Good. Remember that."
Buffy and Steve ran up, and Buffy grabbed her counterpart.
"What the Hell did you think you were doing?!?" she screamed.
Wish Buffy ripped her arm loose and snapped, "I thought they were vampires."
"Do *THEY* look like the Osmonds coming out of a kinky fest?!?" Buffy shouted.
"Ewwwwwwwwww!!!" shouted Willow, as did Cordelia as she and Oz joined the group.
Buffy whirled on them. "And where were YOU two?!? You were supposed to stick together!"
"Buffy," Steve said, putting a hand on Buffy’s shoulder to stop her ranting. "It was an accident."
"An accident that almost killed my best friend," Buffy countered.
Wish Buffy gaped, and said, "I’m the one that almost became, ‘Slayer Extra Crispy.’"
Buffy’s answering glare suggested that the possibility didn’t trouble her.
"Well excuse me for living, O Perfect Buffy," she snapped. She looked at Steve, and said, "Okay, Steve. What now?"
"We try to find them again. And we pray they don’t escape."
Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow came within sighting distance of the gate, but once again, someone had beaten them there.
"Oh, come ON!!" Vamp Xander moaned. "Does somebody hate us THAT much?!?"
The man leaning against the gate smiled, and replied, "Not you personally. Just your sense of humor."
"Ooooooooooh, he insulted you," Vamp Willow asked, looking at Xander. "What do we do?"
"What do YOU do?" Vamp Xander asked the smiling man.
"I’m a fairy."
Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow blinked. Vamp Xander said, "Sorry, but I’m not the type. Willow is, though."
The man’s eyes narrowed, and he held up both of his arms. Before the vampires could react, a massive blast of light shot out of the man’s hands. The blast launched the vampires into the sky, sending them flying over the tree line.
At this point, four people joined the young man, three of them wide-eyed, the last obviously quite angry.
With a smack to his head, Amy snapped, "Robin, we’re trying to catch them, not give them a head start!"
Robin just fed her a grin full of mischief, and held up his right hand folded in the shape of a finger gun. Blowing off a trail of smoke rising from the index finger like an actor in an old Western, he said, "Trust me."
Back at the playground, the two Buffys were still arguing, and Steve was getting ready to kill them both if they didn’t shut up.
Xander, Cordelia and Oz just watched from the sidelines, knowing better than to interfere with two ballistic Slayers, one of who was Immortal.
Off to the side, Willow had cast a second spell for detecting evil, and she could sense Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow’s auras coming closer.
"Steve, they’re on the way back!" Willow shouted.
Her cry had the effect of stopping the Buffy argument, as the Slayer twins were at least professional enough to see the greater threat.
"Where are they coming from?" Steve called to the witch.
"They’re coming from. . . above?!?"
The Scoobies looked up as a whistling sound started, steadily growing louder.
Xander was the first to scream, "INCOMING!!!"
The Scoobies scattered, diving to the ground and burying their heads. Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow landed, completely unconscious, in a sandbox with dull "thumps."
The Slayerettes waited several seconds before cautiously bringing their heads up and looking around for any more falling undead projectiles. The fighters began to slowly rise, looking around uncertainly.
"Uh, Steve?" Xander frightfully asked. "When did the vamps start using howitzers?"
"Shut up Xander!" Cordelia said with a frown.
"What the Hell happened to them?!?" Buffy asked, looking at the two knocked out demons half-buried in the sandbox.
Willow’s eyes became spacey for a few seconds, and she sighed. "Robin happened to them."
"Robin? The fairy did this?" Wish Buffy asked.
"You can’t judge a book by its cover," Buffy said dryly. Still looking at the vampires, she said, "Well, in most cases."
A flash of light burst into existence, heralding the arrival of the rest of the group that had made it to the park. As the light faded, Angel walked over to the Wanderer.
"Robin. . ."
"We know," everyone said, pointing to the vampires.
Angel winced, and turned to the approaching Slayerettes, of whom Amy and Jenny looked a little haggard.
"What’s wrong?" Willow asked with concern for her fellow witches.
"Group teleport’s harder than single pops," Robin explained easily. "Since we were chasing evil vampires, I was allowed to give them a little booster. So, where’d the kinky couple land?"
"Two words, Rob," Xander answered with a grin. "Sand wedge."
Robin looked at the vampires, and smiled. "Right on target. Damn, I’m good."
No one could argue with him on that point.
St. Wolf Residence
Sunnydale, California (the Wandererverse)
12 December 1998
Steve pulled his Tahoe into the driveway, and quickly killed the lights. As the engine was shut off, both Buffys quietly climbed out of the vehicle, still angry at each other. Steve got out, and the trio walked towards the back of the Tahoe. The tailgate popped open as they got close, and Robin Goodfellow dusted off his outfit.
"Thanks for not letting Buffy drive, Steve," Goodfellow grinned.
"Hey!" Buffys protested in perfect unison.
"Anyhow," Robin said, reaching into the back of the SUV and dragging the still unconscious Vamp Xander and Vamp Willow by the heels, "the Bobsie twins won’t come to for another hour or so, so I’d say we plop ‘em in a circle, have Amy and the others do their thing on Angel, get these kids back to normal, or what passes for normal in Xander’s case, and find a way to get ‘em home."
"Right," Steve said noncommittally. "Let’s get these two in the house."
Buffy picked up the vampire Willow and cradled her in her arms, while Steve threw Vamp Xander over his shoulder like a sack of wheat.
"Hey!" Xander bleated. "Show me some respect!"
Everyone ignored him.
As Steve neared the front door, he heard a voice in his head.
//I wouldn’t come in if I were you. . .//
Steve walked in, and promptly got a shower from Sherlock, as the Guardian shook water off of his coat and onto Steve. Once he’d finished, Sherlock looked at the glaring Wanderer, sniffed once, and took off in the other direction.
//Don’t say I didn’t warn you,// Duke’s voice said, but Steve could sense his amusement.
Steve glared at Duke, and walked over and placed his load on the couch, followed quickly by Buffy depositing Vamp Willow next to her boyfriend. At that instant, Joyce walked out of the kitchen, looking to be in a very bad mood. She stopped when she saw the two kids on the couch.
"What’s wrong with Xander and Willow?" Joyce asked as she eyed their outfits.
Xander and Willow answered, "Nothing, Mrs. Summers."
Joyce stiffened, and looked over at the crowded Scooby Gang. Willow gave Joyce as reassuring smile and a wave. Joyce looked back at the sleeping vampires, and shook her head.
"This is too weird," Joyce said to no one in particular.
"No shit," came the mass reply.
Joyce frowned at the Slayerettes and company, but froze when she spied Angel. "You," she hissed.
Buffy quickly moved to placate her mother. "Mom! Good Angel. Dimension thing, remember? Bad Angel’s dead."
Joyce paused, and she eventually nodded. "Sorry, honey. I apologize, Angel. I didn’t mean any offense."
"None taken, uh. . ."
"Mrs. Summers," Oz calmly said. When Angel looked at the werewolf, he said, "Safe answer."
Joyce let out a smile at the musician’s manner, but it died when she looked back at Steve.
She put her hands on her hips, and said, "And you."
"Uh oh," Buffys said in perfect unison. "Mother Mode."
"Darned right," Joyce said sternly. "You two, in your office. Now."
Both Buffys looked at each other, and Joyce rolled her eyes. "My Buffy, and Steve, in Steve’s office. At once."
Buffy and Steve reluctantly began to head for Steve’s office, pointedly ignoring Xander and Robin whistling "Taps."
Once Joyce followed them in, Jenny said, "Willow, Amy, let’s get these two into a containment circle. Once we do, Rupert and I will stand guard, along with Buffy and Kendra."
"Oh, I don’t think Mo--- Joyce is going to let you have her," Wish Buffy said with a twinge of sympathy for her double. "When she’s like that. . ."
"I was talking about you, Buffy," Jenny said with a smile. "I’m sorry I didn’t specify you."
Wish Buffy nodded, and she walked away with the two teachers. When they left with Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander, everyone let out a sigh of relief.
Xander shuddered, and said, "I hope they don’t have to stake us."
"What do you mean, ‘us?’" Cordelia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"US, Cordy," Xander reiterated. "The evil us’es. The other us’es."
With a sigh of despair, Robin asked, "Okay, can we knock off this Twelfth Night/Comedy of Errors nuttiness?"
Xander looked at him, and came back with, "What about Mid-Summ----"
His words died under Robin’s icy glare. "Don’t. Even. Say it."
"Will, what’s wrong?" Amy asked as they drew the containment circle around the vampires. "You didn’t get hurt or anything, did you?"
"No," she said weakly. As they finished the circle, she went on. "Amy, look at me. . . I mean her. I’m so evil. . . and skanky!" Willow gulped, and quietly said, "And I think I’m kinda gay."
Amy stared at Willow. "Does Oz know?"
Willow’s jaw started flapping. "I don’t mean ME, Amy! I mean HER!!!"
Amy followed Willow’s pointing finger, and sheepishly nodded. "Sorry," she said. She furrowed her brow in thought, and asked, "How do you know?"
"She was HITTING on me!"
Giles, Jenny, Kendra and Wish Buffy all stared at Willow.
Willow, not noticing their stares, blurted, "And she wanted to have a foursome with me and *both* Xanders!"
"Thank you so much for THAT image, Willow," Giles said in disgust.
Willow jerked, and turned to see four other people staring at her. Once she realized they’d heard everything, she moaned and ran out of the room.
"Nice going, Jeeves," Wish Buffy said sarcastically.
Giles stared at her. "Buffy, either call me Mr. Giles, Giles or Rupert. I may not be your Watcher, but you will show me the respect DUE a Watcher."
"Fine," the Slayer snapped. "Nice going, Giiiiiiiiiiles."
Giles started to speak, but Jenny said, "She has a point, Rupert. The kids are having a hard time with this. Try to be a little more sensitive."
Giles sighed, and said, "Of course. I apologize, Buffy. I know this isn’t easy for you, either."
"No kidding," the other Buffy said with an uncaring shrug. "No prob. By the way, thanks for sticking up for me earlier."
"You’re welcome."
Wish Buffy looked at Vamp Xander, and said, "Your magic corral going to hold them in there?"
"Yep," Amy said, and she quickly uttered the command words to activate the circle.
Once the circle went into effect, the people in the room relaxed slightly.
"Let’s see them get out of that," Amy smiled. With a look at Jenny, she asked, "Now what?"
"Set up the components for the soul spell," Jenny ordered. "It’s time Angel got a fair shake."
Willow walked out of the training room, shaking shivering movements as she walked.
Everyone saw her, and Xander walked over to her.
"What’s wrong, Will?" he asked.
"That other me," the Wiccan answered with a sour face. "Xander, you saw what she’s like."
"Don’t remind us," Cordelia begged.
Willow frowned and said, "I make Drusilla look like a nun!"
Angel winced, and Willow realized that she’d stepped a bit over the line.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry," she said in a low voice.
Shaw walked out of the kitchen, and quickly took in the tension at the same time Amy walked out of the training room.
"Is something wrong?" the ranger asked cautiously.
Cordelia replied, "Only the fact that Willow’s double hit on her in the park."
"Do you need a healing spell, Willow?"
Everyone chuckled except for Willow, who was angry at their laughter.
"It’s not funny!" Willow snapped. She looked at Shaw, who seemed confused. "She didn’t hit me, Shaw. She hit *on* me. You know, made advances, wanted to have sex, that kind of thing."
"Ah, I see," Shaw said with a thoughtful look. "Like I thought Xander was doing three months ago."
"WHAT?!?" Cordelia shouted before turning to glare at her boyfriend. "What is she talking about, Xander?"
With a sigh, and a great deal of fear, Xander said, "She thought I was trying to pick her up on her first day at school. You remember, Snyder made me escort her around before you got in each others’ faces?"
"Oh," Cordelia mumbled. "Okay."
"Enough," Amy said out loud. "Willow, we need you in the training room. Angel, it’s time."
Angel looked apprehensive, but he walked without comment. After they were out of sight, Axel looked to Robin.
"Rob, why’s he looked scared? You think he’d be jumping for joy at getting to keep his soul," the detective said.
"Well, part of it’s having people do magic on him," Robin told the Detroiter. "Mostly, he may not believe he deserves it."
"Lemme guess," Axel said, cupping his chin. "After a hundred and fifty years of being Mr. Bad Ass of Europe, he’s gotten so used to being Mr. Billowing Coat of Pain, that he’s not sure he wants to be a normal guy. Or. . . a normal Dead-Boy-with-a-crush-on-a-California-Slayer-from-another-dimension-guy."
"Yep," Robin said. "But he’ll come around. In my book, putting up with a vampire Xander’s sense of humor for two years is bad enough."
"Hey!" Xander said. After a few seconds, he sighed. "As much as I hate to say it, Robin’s right. That vamp was sending out the same one-liners I was."
"No, he wasn’t," Robin said, sounding supportive.
"He wasn’t?"
Robin shook his head. "His were better."
"Gotta agree with him there," Cordelia suggested with a prim smile.
"Hey!"
Angel, Willow and Amy walked back into the training room, where Jenny, Giles, Wish Buffy and Kendra waited for them while remaining on guard over Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander.
Angel looked at the gathered components, herbs and the pentagram drawn out with salt, with white candles lit at each of the five points to the star bordered by the circle.
Angel looked at Jenny, and asked, "So what do we do?"
"Oh, we just use you as a guinea pig for the soul spell to work out the kinks for casting it on the other two," Amy said sweetly.
Angel winced, but saw through the teasing, so he said, "Guinea pig? Can’t you at least call me something nice, like ‘prototype?’"
Jenny smiled and said, "It’s simple, Angel. You stand in the middle of the pentagram, facing me. Amy and Willow will be standing at the points representing the ‘base’ of the pentagram, and we begin by casting the same spell used one hundred years ago." Indicating the Orb of Thesulah sitting in her hands, she continued. "We have to do it this way because you already have your soul, and this was the spell you were subjected to."
"Angel," Giles said softly, "we don’t know if the spell will be painful or not. We want you to know this beforehand."
"All right," Angel said. He showed surprisingly little fear, and he walked into the circle drawn by the three witches. "Let’s do it."
Amy, Willow and Jenny took their places at the appropriate points of the star, and on some form of unconscious signal born of experience of working together on their castings, began chanting the first of the two spells.
Together, they said, "What was lost, shall be found. Not dead, nor of the living. Spirits of the interregnum, I call. Restore to the corporeal vessel that which separates us from the beast. Gods bind him, cast his heart from the demon realm, return his soul! I call on you, gods, do not ignore this supplication! Let the orb be the vessel to carry his soul to him! It is written, this power is my people’s right to wield. . . let it be so! Now!"
The orb sitting in Jenny’s hands pulsed, and a glow surrounded Angel for a few seconds before fading. Since the spell had once been cast on Angel, this casting had no effect on the vampire other than to reinforce the first casting, while eliminating the escape clause forever. That being done, now was the time for the second spell.
The trio of Amazon witches barely broke their momentum, pausing only to take a deep breath, as they began the final part of the casting.
"Angel, we curse thee," the witches intoned together. "We curse thee with they soul, for now and all time, never to be undone, never to be apart, mind, body or soul. Thy soul is bonded to thy body, until such time as thy body is commended to the Earth, at which time thy soul is commended to thy Patron, be it God or Goddess, so that thou shalt be judged by thine own actions, and no other. This is our curse upon you, now and for all time."
There was no visual effect, nothing that anyone could consider flashy or spectacular. The look on Angel’s face, however, made up for it with interest. Tears, tinged with pink from blood, started flowing down his face. He sank to his knees, and buried his face in his hands as he silently cried for joy at what they’d just done for him.
He looked up at Jenny, tears flowing, unable to verbally tell her what his eyes conveyed all too clearly.
Jenny simply nodded sadly, and silently mouthed, "You’re welcome."
Willow deactivated the circle, and gently helped Angel to his feet. He tensed at first, until remembering that this was not the Willow he knew.
"Thanks," Angel said with a weak smile that Willow returned to him.
"No problem," the witch replied. "How do you feel?"
"Like a new man," Angel softly joked.
"Angel, could you ask Shaw to come in?" Jenny asked, looking at the trapped Vamp Willow and Vamp Angel. "We need to talk to her."
Angel nodded and walked out, glad to do something for these people, who’d shown him kindness and asked for nothing in return.
Wish Buffy watched him leave, and leaned closer to Kendra. "Why’d he get all weepy?"
"I don’t know," Kendra replied, being in the dark as well.
"Perhaps I can explain," Giles said as the witches cleaned up, preparing fresh supplies for the next spell. "There was a clause in Angel’s curse; if he ever stopped feeling the guilt over what the demon did, all the killing and evil, he would lose his soul, and once again become Angelus, the soulless killer. Jenny is from the same Gypsy family that cursed Angel in the first place, and by this spell, they have removed the clause and made the restoration permanent, and also taken steps to prevent him from losing it in *any* way. In essence, Angel is now able to live his life as he chooses."
Wish Buffy said, "So he’s a permanent good guy now? I find that hard to believe."
"Why?" Kendra asked. "I knew Angel here. He was a good man."
"He’s a vampire," Wish Buffy said with a snort.
"So is Charlie, and he helps us," Willow said as she jumped into the conversation while looking up from her preparations.
"And how long was he a typical vampire before you did your voodoo on him?" Wish Buffy asked.
"Uh, about five minutes," Amy sheepishly admitted. "We did the spell on him as soon as he woke up."
"So it’s a revenge thing for him," Wish Buffy said with a smirk.
Jenny frowned, and said, "Buffy, for your information, Charlie takes a personal risk every time he associates with other vampires." Buffy drew a breath to speak, but Jenny didn’t let her get a word in. "Charlie is paid for what he does, and it supports his living family. Yes, he has a wife and children. THAT’S why he does what he does for us. The closest thing you could think of him as would be an undercover police officer. Think about that, and maybe you’ll appreciate what he does. As well as what Angel’s feeling right now."
Although she’d been properly chastised, Wish Buffy didn’t say anything. In her case, it was as much as admitting she was wrong.
Angel walked into the living room, and the Slayerettes could see the change in him, to the last person. The Slayerettes all felt glad for him, and Charlie walked up to him, extending a hand.
"Welcome to ‘the club,’ Angel," Charlie said with a smile.
Angel just nodded once, and clasped the other vampire’s hand. He looked around for Shaw, and upon spying her, said, "Shaw, Jenny wanted you in the training room."
Shaw nodded and started to move, but the group’s attention was diverted when Steve, Buffy and Joyce walked out of Steve’s office. Steve and Buffy looked like they’d received quite the verbal lashing to remember.
"Uh oh," Xander muttered. "Did the Wanderer get grounded?"
"Shut up, Xander," Buffy snapped. She looked at Shaw, and grumbled, "Thanks a lot, Shaw."
"For what?" the puzzled Hunter asked.
"For letting Buffy and I get the nastiest butt-chewing this side of basic training," Steve said dryly. "Joyce took exception to us sending you out."
"Why?"
Joyce gave Shaw a concerned look, and said, "Shaw, you’re in bad shape after whatever happened to you last month. They shouldn’t be risking you by sending you out into danger, because it’ll keep you from recovering. I think the twenty minute case of the shakes you had proves that."
Shaw considered what Joyce had said, just watching Mrs. Summers with an even eye. Finally, she asked a question. "Joyce Summers, did the vampires come close to us?"
"No," Joyce said with a blink. "They didn’t even get inside fifty yards."
"And were we in any true physical danger?" Shaw asked.
"Well, no. . ."
"And did I not tell you that I was the only person available to watch over you?"
Joyce sighed wearily. "Well, yes. . ."
Shaw cocked an eyebrow, and said, "Which means that Steven weighed the risks and made a command decision to send me to your gallery, one confirmed by Buffy, who showed the same concerns that you did. But, in the end, Buffy trusted in me to keep her Mother safe. That trust meant a great deal to me, Joyce Summers, and I frankly am offended that you are questioning either Buffy’s trust in me, or in her and Steven’s command abilities. So, I will thank you to apologize to Steven and Buffy right this instant."
Everyone just watched in open-mouthed shock as Shaw did what none of the Slayerettes would do for a million dollars, or in a million years; talk back to Joyce Summers.
Joyce disbelievingly said, "Shaw, do you realize that I was sticking up for you?"
"I do, and I do not understand why," Shaw told her. "As I said, Steven decided that I could handle the situation. It is not his fault that the vampires were there. So, you owe him an apology."
Joyce, quite understandably, couldn’t believe what she was hearing. "Young lady," she began.
"I am older than you, Joyce Summers," Shaw pointed out.
Joyce tried to establish her authority another way. "Shaw Hunter. . ."
"Joyce Summers, allow me to make this very easy for you," Shaw said with folded arms. "My great-grandmother was a red-haired Irishwoman. I inherited that temper in full measure, as well as the stubbornness from whatever Scottish ancestors I have. Also, from my mother, I have inherited the elven ability to take a long term view of things."
"What’s that supposed to mean?" the thoroughly baffled Joyce asked.
Shaw smiled at Joyce, but there was little humor in it. "To put it in simplest terms; I can be *very* stubborn, for a *very* long time."
Many of the Slayerettes couldn’t hold in a snicker, but they all shrank back at Joyce’s glare.
"Now, if you will excuse me, I am needed in the training room," Shaw said pleasantly. She turned to leave, and told Joyce, "I will expect Buffy or Steven to confirm your apology when I return."
Shaw then turned and walked out of the living room, leaving an awed audience in her wake. After several seconds, the group, and Joyce in particular, regained their dignity.
"Hunter one, Buffy’s mom zero," Oz whispered, barely loud enough for Buffy to hear.
Buffy snickered, unable to help herself. Joyce and the group all turned their eyes onto the Slayer, who gulped and started to stare at her feet.
"Do you think that’s funny, Buffy?" Joyce demanded of her daughter. "You tell me this child. . ."
The smartass of the group started laughing. "Hyeh, hyeh, hyeh. . ."
"What are YOU laughing at?" Joyce demanded, before asking, "And just who are you?"
"Detective Axel Foley, Detroit Police," Axel said with a friendly smile. "And I know how you feel. I got chewed out by the kid earlier."
Joyce hesitated in her furor, but after twenty or twenty-five seconds, sighed in defeat. "Steve, Buffy, I’m sorry I got angry," she told the couple.
Buffy hugged Joyce, and said, "What were you going to do, ground me? No Slaying for a week?"
"Take away her Sword for a month?" Xander added.
"Don’t YOU start, Xander," Joyce warned with a look.
Shaw walked into the training room, joining Giles, the three witches, two Slayers, and the now conscious Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander. The two vampires took in the appearance of the half-elf, who they hadn’t seen before now.
"And who’s this?" Vamp Xander asked with an angry sigh. "Another hoochie-koochie doll?"
Shaw looked at him and Vamp Willow, and slowly walked over to the circle.
"Jenny, please lower the circle," Shaw requested with a hard look at the vampire.
"You don’t want to do that, cutie pie," Vamp Xander smirked despite their situation.
"You may have noticed, Xander Harris," Shaw began, becoming evilly sarcastic, "that in this room alone are two Slayers, three witches, and a mage. I do not like your chances if you try anything stupid." She looked over at Vamp Willow, and added, "Or sexually discouraged."
Vamp Willow’s eyes flashed, but she quickly began to sulk. "This world’s no fun."
"I once thought the same thing," Shaw smiled.
"Hey!" Amy and Willow quickly snapped in defense of their reality.
Vamp Xander squinted at Shaw’s exposed pendant, and asked, "Hey, why’s that horse charm making like a cross?"
Shaw looked at the unicorn’s head, and explained, "It is a blessed symbol of Mielikki, the Goddess I serve."
Vamp Xander’s head jerked back in surprise, and he stupidly added, "You mean you worship a horny horse?"
Shaw’s eyes grew hard, and four of the training room’s occupants now realized that violence was a guarantee, not a possibility.
"Oh, what the heck?" Jenny muttered, concentrating enough to lower the barrier without turning it off.
Shaw sensed the shift in power a split second before the vampires, so she was able to react that much quicker. With all the strength she could muster, which was impressive for someone only weighing one hundred and seven pounds, she threw a wicked side kick into Vamp Xander’s groin. Vamp Xander gasped, and he fell to his knees, clutching at his family jewels, allowing Shaw to let her righteous anger show in her eyes.
Vamp Willow knelt next to Vamp Xander, and fed Shaw a vicious look. "I NEED THOSE!!!" she snapped as her game face emerged.
"Ewwwww!" Amy, Willow and Wish Buffy said.
"To use Earth phrasing," Shaw said with no emotional inflections, "note to vampires from another plane; never, ever ‘diss’ a half-elven priestess on her religious beliefs. Particularly one on her period."
Jenny quickly raised the barrier again, leaving the vampires to stare at Shaw in disbelief.
"Elven?" Vamp Willow whispered in shock. "You’re an elf?"
"Half-elven," Shaw rejoined. She held up her hair, and showed off one ear. "And do not bother whispering like that. These ears are not mere decoration."
"No kidding," Amy mumbled, remembering some of the unique traits associated with that part of Shaw’s anatomy.
"Jenny," Shaw said, ignoring Amy’s jab and focusing on business. "What do you need?"
"I need to know if you can cast the spell on Willow and Xander for us," the computer teacher explained. "Amy and I are down a bit in energy after the mass teleport and dual casting we just did on Angel."
Shaw quickly and firmly shook her head. "No."
"Shaw!" Willow quickly blurted, drawing the half-elf’s attention. "What do you expect us to do with them? Stake them?"
"Of course not," Shaw told the group at large. "But for one thing, you know how I feel about such castings. Secondly, there is a greater risk here. One that *I* am not willing to take."
"Now wait a minute, here," Giles objected.
Shaw sighed, seeing this was going to be a long debate. "Giles, Jenny, and any of those with spell casting abilities, please come out of the training room with me."
The witches and Watcher looked at each other strangely, and Giles asked, "Might I ask why?"
"Not in here," Shaw said. She looked over at the two vampires, who were suddenly very interested in the goings on, as they realized they were the subjects of discussion.
"What do you want us to do while you’re having your little business meeting?" Wish Buffy asked, indicating herself and Kendra.
Shaw looked over at Vamp Xander, and said, "In the unlikely event that they manage to escape the containment circle, note the great amount of wooden training weapons in this room. Short of killing them, use your imagination."
Shaw turned and walked out, leaving Jenny, Amy and Willow to follow, trailed shortly thereafter by Giles.
"What is up with her?" Wish Buffy asked Kendra.
Kendra embarrassingly answered, "She’s female. She just said as much."
Wish Buffy moaned, and said, "I forgot."
Shaw led the spell contingent out into the living room, and the group looked at her and the others in caution.
"What’s going on, Giles?" Steve asked.
Giles looked at Shaw sharply, and said, "We asked Shaw if she would be willing to cast the soul spell on the other Willow and Xander, but she refused."
"Why?" Buffy asked. "You want to stake them, that’s it, game over?"
"Of course not," Shaw said. "I am in favor of restoring their souls, but not when doing so is ill advised."
"Shaw, Jenny and I are pretty much wasted," Amy said, bringing up the original point. "Our reserves are kind of low, know what I mean?"
"Wait a minute," Robin said, trying to get his opinion in. "You want to restore Willow and Xander’s souls?"
"Yes," the witches, Watcher, Slayer and Wanderer said together.
"Okay, why don’t you do it, then?" Robin asked, giving the others the feeling they were being set up once again.
"Because we don’t have the energy to do it," Jenny said tiredly. "And I don’t think that your restrictions would let us have another boost, despite your talent for finding loopholes. No offense."
"None taken," Robin said before looking at Shaw. "But I have to agree with little sister, here." He looked at Shaw, and said, "Would you care to explain why, Shaw?"
Shaw looked at Jenny and Giles, while everyone’s attention was now riveted to her.
"Jenny, you seem to have forgotten that the vampires you wish to restore souls to are Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris."
"How COULD we forget?" Willow babbled.
With a sigh, Shaw tried again. "They are the Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris from another reality, and in that reality they are soulless vampires. Thus, it stands to reason that their souls are in that reality. If you try to restore the souls of THAT Willow and Xander in THIS reality, where are the souls likely to come from?"
After about twenty seconds, the point finally dawned on the entire group.
Willow and Xander, being the subjects of the discussion, put it very succinctly.
"Uh oh."
"Don’t you guys think you should’ve come up with that idea a while ago?" Axel asked the group at large. "Man, I’ve heard of blood transfusions, but damn!"
"Shut up, Axel!" everyone snapped, Joyce included.
Robin started heading for the door, and Steve called out, "Robin? Where are you going?"
"I need to make a phone call," Robin said mysteriously. "I might be able to handle our little reality problem."
As the fairy left through the front door, everyone was curious as to what he was going to pull off this time, but no one had the courage to follow him.
Trying to change the subject, Buffy said, "So, Will? What do you think of your double? I mean, we know what Xander’s double is like."
"Buffy, I don’t want to talk about her!" Willow wheezed with a red face.
"Why not?" Xander asked. "If I gotta put up with the guys making jokes about me and Buffy. . ."
"Xander, you saw her!" the Amazon witch snapped in despair. "Goddess, she looks like something out of a porno film! She wanted to have SEX with me! And she cut off all my hair!"
Buffy put a supportive arm around the distraught friend, and said, "Will, don’t worry about it. She’s a demon. Vampire personalities don’t have anything to do with the person they were."
"Actually," Shaw and Angel said at the same time, but were quickly silenced when Amy and Axel (respectively) elbowed them in the ribs.
"What?" Willow said in fright.
"Well. . ." Angel said, looking at Buffy’s pleading look, "Buffy brings up a good point."
Willow relaxed immensely, and Angel decided not to make an issue of lying to her.
Meanwhile, Robin stood in the front yard of Steve’s house. He put his hands in his pockets, and looked up at the star-filled sky.
"Okay, you know what’s going on," he started, seeming to talk to himself. "You know what I’m about to say, and you know I’m talking to you. So get your six hundred year old virgin armor plated French butt down here and talk to me."
For several seconds, there was no response. Robin was just about to become colorful in his request when a golden light began to shine and materialized into Jehanne La Pucelle, better known as Joan of Arc.
"What is it, Robin?" Joan asked with a nod of greeting.
"Oh, come on, Joanie," the sprite said. "You know as well as I do what this is about. What can you do about it?"
Regretfully, Joan said, "I cannot do anything about it, Goodfellow."
"Oh why not?" Robin asked with conviction. "What's the point of having the Stuff if you can't use it to help a couple of kids who got ripped off?"
"It has nothing to do with my power, Robin," Joan explained to the doubtful Goodfellow. "It has to do with the fact that I am of this reality, and not the one that they originate from."
"Fine," Robin said with a shrug, as if universal barriers were nothing to worry about. "Then you go talk to the you of the other reality, and you tell the you from that reality that you need the souls from that you so that you can see the kids get their second chance."
Joan silently glared at him, and he nodded in understanding.
"Right. Better yet, just go to The Man and tell him what's up, although we both know that He knows that I know that He knows that you know we need to do this," Robin suggested.
Joan considered the two speeches that would have baffled anyone else listening to their rapid speaking, and nodded.
"I shall see what I can do," she promised before vanishing from sight.
Robin smiled, and turned to go back into the house.
Robin walked back in, and the expectant Slayerettes all turned to him.
"Who did you talk to?" Steve asked, not exactly sure if he wanted to know the answer.
Robin just looked at his watch. "Six... five... four..."
Suddenly, without warning, someone appeared in Steve’s living room, holding two golden, glowing objects in her hands.
"Damn, Joanie," Robin smiled, apparently impressed. "Even quicker than I thought."
"Do not call me that, Robin," Joan sternly warned him. She turned to Jenny, and said, "Jenny Calendar, I believe you have need of these?"
"If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?" Buffy asked, cautious despite the often strange habit other beings had of suddenly appearing into her boyfriend’s living room.
"Joan," Robin, Amy, Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia, and Randi all answered, while Shaw properly and formally said, "Jehanne."
"Joan?" Joyce asked, before getting the point. At the same time, Buffy also asked, "THAT Joan?"
"Oui, Buffy Summers," Joan said with a small smile. She turned her head to Randi, and said, "I am glad to finally meet you in person, Randi Jessup. You have handled your sword well, and with honor."
"Uh, MY sword?" Randi asked in confusion.
"Oui, Randi," the angel said with great approval. "You have more than earned it over these months. It is now yours, and I hope that you will continue to do as well with it as you have already."
She looked at Jenny, and said, "But, to the business that brings me here. I assume, Jenny Calendar, that you know what these are?"
"I think we can make a good guess," Amy wryly muttered.
"Yes, of course," Joan said. She headed for the training room, and said, "Jenny, would you and your fellow witches follow me? I will aid your spell casting, and we can be done briefly. I do have other duties to attend to."
"We wouldn’t want to interfere with that," Cordelia said under her breath as she rolled her eyes.
As the witches silently but obediently followed Joan, Axel and Angel looked at Steve.
"Just who was that?" Axel asked.
"Joan of Arc," Steve said, still somewhat flustered at a high-ranking angel appearing in his living room, despite the past visits from other such beings. "I really need to update my Christmas card list."
"Joan of Arc?" Angel and Axel said dumbly.
"Yeah," the Slayerettes who’d previously met her confirmed.
Angel looked at Randi, who sighed as she realized what he was about to ask her. She took her sword out, and showed it to him, assuming he’d recognize it.
"Oh, God," he said at length.
"Tell me about it," Randi said with a good-natured blush.
Kendra and Wish Buffy were both startled when the armor-clad woman walked straight through the doors, holding two glowing objects in her hands. They quickly took up defensive positions, but the woman just stopped, looking non-threatening.
"Peace, Kendra McPhereson and Buffy Summers," Joan said. "I mean you no harm, but rather, I am here to help your comrades with their spell casting."
"Who are you?" Wish Buffy asked, sensing the power this woman had, but probably kept muted to keep it from overwhelming them.
"Battle Captain Jehanne La Pucelle, soldier of the Dauphin, now Archon reporting to Michael the Avenger, and servant of the Lord."
"What Lord?" Wish Buffy asked.
In awe, Kendra said, "God." She looked at Wish Buffy, and said, "She’s an Archon. That’s one level below a Seraphim."
"And that would be?" Wish Buffy asked, wanting a normal term.
"Seraphim," Kendra repeated. In translation, she said, "An archangel."
"WHAT?!?"
Jenny and the two younger witches walked in at that point, and Amy smiled.
"I see you two met Joan," she said good-naturedly.
"Now wait a minute!" Wish Buffy blurted. "This glow in the dark Frenchy girl is an ANGEL?!? An honest to God ANGEL?!?"
"Oui," Joan answered slightly. She looked at the vampires, who were trying not to allow themselves to be freaked out any more than they had been in the last few hours.
Vamp Willow looked at the glowing objects in Joan’s hands, and the vampire obviously admired them. "Pretty," she said.
"They should be," Joan said to her. "They are your souls."
The vamps both blinked, as they now realized *exactly* what the witches had been planning to do to them.
Before they could make any threats, comments or beg for the witches not to do this, the rest of the gang began to filter into the training room.
"What the Hell is this? Paid attendance?" Vamp Xander complained.
"Let’s just say I know what’s going to happen," Angel said, looking sorrowfully at them.
"Oh yeah, Mr. No Soul So I’m Not A Tortured Vamp Anne Rice Routine Anymore!" Vamp Xander snapped.
"Actually, I lied about that," Angel said, letting a grin form on his face. "What they actually did was double curse me, so I can’t ever lose my soul."
Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander’s jaws went slack as they realized that they’d been had from the very beginning. They began to panic as they realized there was no way they were going to get out of this.
"No!" Vamp Willow pleaded. "You can’t do this!"
"I do not think you are in a position to object," Joan reminded them. She looked at Jenny, and said, "Jenny, all you need do is cast the spell along with Willow and Amy. I will channel the spell energies into the Orb, at which time the spell with direct itself properly. After this, I will give you a moderate amount of energy to recharge your powers, so that what comes after will not demand too much of you."
"What do you mean by that?" Robin asked in confusion.
"You will understand."
"Suuuuuure," the sprite said, rolling his eyes in frustration at cryptic angels.
"Okay, let’s begin," Jenny said. She looked at Amy and Willow, who nodded in readiness.
As one, the witches began chanting the modified Spell of Restoration.
"Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris, we curse thee. We curse thee with thy souls, for now and all time, never to be undone, never to be apart, mind, body or souls. Thy souls are bonded to thy bodies, until such time as thy bodies are commended to the Earth, at which time thy souls are commended to thy Patrons, be They God or Goddess, so that thou shalt be judged by thine own actions, and no others. This is our curse upon you, now and for all time."
The glowing souls in the hands of Joan of Arc pulsed when the spell began, and they quickly flew towards the Orb of Thesulah sitting contentedly on the floor of the gym. Once the souls entered into the Orb, the Orb shattered into a thousand harmless glass pieces as the souls shot towards the vampires, who shouted in fright, and then pain, as their souls were restored to their bodies, driving them to their knees, and then onto the floor as they shook in pain and fright over the spell cast upon them.
As the glows that surrounded their bodies faded, Jenny nodded to Amy, who lowered the containment circle and cancelled it, having no further need of it.
Xander walked up to Joan, and said, "Not that I don’t trust you or them, but they DID get the souls into the right bodies, right?"
Joan just glared at him, not dignifying his question with a response.
"Just checking," Xander said with a gulp, backing away from her.
As the moaning vampires came to, Angel said, "I feel sorry for them."
"Why? You got company in the soul department," Axel said.
Angel stepped forward, waving back Buffy, who was nervously fingering Vampire Slayer.
Vamp Willow was the first to come to, and she looked at Angel, not recognizing who he was. She asked, "Where am I?